Breaking Free from Emotional Chains The Quest for Self-Love and Mutual Respect

Sometimes, the hardest choices bring the most liberating rewards. Join me, Micah Bravery, as I share a deeply personal and transformative decision—ending a toxic friendship. It's a journey that may seem counterintuitive for a mental health advocate, but it's one that spotlights the imperative of self-love and the necessity for mutual support in our connections. In a candid exploration of resilience, I dismantle the guilt and self-doubt that often accompany such difficult decisions and reveal how they pave the way for profound self-discovery and peace.

Navigating the turbulent waters of trauma and prioritizing self-care can often feel like a solitary voyage, but it needn't be. Throughout this episode, I present not as a healer, but as a facilitator to encourage personal growth, emphasizing the importance of seeking professional help and the critical distinction between advocacy and assuming responsibility for others' emotional state. As we say farewell in this final chapter, I leave you with a powerful mantra: 'Count the cost and make the change.' It's a heartfelt invitation to join me in recognizing the impact of trauma and engaging in the healing process, because while the journey may indeed have its costs, the destination of personal transformation is priceless.

#selflove #mentalhealth #traumarecovery #healingjourney #selfcare #personaltransformation #growth #endtoxicrelationships #professionalhelp #advocacy #emotionalresponsibility #TraumaIsExpensive #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello there, brave souls, welcome to Trauma is Expensive, with your host, Micah Bravery. Here we don't just talk about trauma, we count the cost and we make the change. With every episode, we dive deep into the heart of trauma, its implications and the resilient transformations it can ignite, through conversations, insights, real stories and unflinching honesty. This podcast is here to empower every survivor to turn their pain into progress. So let's take a journey together as we understand, confront and finally heal. Welcome to wwwtraumasexpensivecom, your platform for change. Now let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:51

What is up? My beautiful people? It is your boy, micah. Happy Monday, happy Solar Eclipse Day. I guess I'm mad that I didn't get my superpowers, but I was expecting some. Yes, and honestly I don't know if I got them or not, but I feel like I didn't get them. From where I was, we really didn't get to see the eclipse, which producer Crystal was very upset about. She was like it's not getting dark. It's not getting dark. It was pretty, pretty hilarious. Nevertheless, I kind of had a really great day, other than having a very questionable, sad weekend.

Speaker 2: 1:32

So recently I had to let go of a friend and on Saturday her family had decided to attack me because I let go of this friend. And it's pretty funny because one thing they kept trying to use on me was oh, you preach mental health, you preach mental health, but you're not thinking about her mental health. And you know, for a while I started to think they were correct, like you know, it's true. Wow, maybe I'm not thinking of her mental health and maybe I shouldn't. You know, it's true, wow, maybe I'm not thinking of her mental health and maybe I shouldn't. You know, stop this friendship, and maybe I should call her and reach out to her and blah, blah, blah. I just had a lot of doubts about my decision to leave this friendship. But when I started to look back on our friendship I started to think about it wasn't a really good friendship. I think that maybe she got more out of it than I did, and you know I'm empath, so I guess that's a very dangerous thing to be. I'm just realizing this right. But you know, sometimes you take on other people's problems as if it's your own and because of that you I don't know overcompensate with all that you do for people, just because you don't want them to hurt.

Speaker 2: 2:52

See, one thing in my healing journey is I learned peace and what peace feels like. And in all of that came, like this, deep love for myself. And because of this I want everybody to kind of feel this. And my biggest struggle throughout my whole healing journey is that people aren't where I am and I want them to hurry up and get there Right now. I have had many, many lows. Excuse me, and I'm not saying I got all the way together because I don't. I'm still healing, like I'm still healing every single day. But I found it really ironic that, because I am a mental health advocate. Let me say that again, I am a mental health advocate. I guess one more time health advocate. I guess one more time mental health advocate. Let's let that sink in. Which means that I'm not a mental health professional, which means that no person should be counting on me for their mental health.

Speaker 2: 4:02

Okay, so in our friendship, you know, I felt an initial connection and I thought this person was so dope, the perfect wife. I felt like, oh my God, if I was ever looking for a wife, I will want somebody like this person, a really, really great wife, great wife. But you know, I didn't see all the times that we bumped heads and we didn't agree or, you know, she got offended by something I said or something I did or some way I acted, or because I was friends with somebody else, like went through jealousy and it was just. It was pretty difficult. But despite all that, I kind of always thought I wanted her in my life and I fought really hard for our friendship. Well, just recently she moved away and in the middle of her moving away I was re-diagnosed with cancer, cancer stage one, and our doctors, or my doctors, decided that I needed to fight it aggressively, we needed to try to get me back to where I was so I can go back into remission as quickly as possible.

Speaker 2: 5:13

So because of that we did a very, very aggressive treatment plan which included a little clinical trial. Nevertheless, it was really, really hard on me. Now I know that my friend moved, but she also wasn't there for me and even when I reached out, it quickly became about her and her situation and I never really got asked how I was feeling or how I was doing or anything like that. And you guys know I have a big saying yes, a paper cut is equal to my cancer. That's the worst pain you're ever feeling in your life, right? Yes, I say that all the time and I bring that up because they try to throw that in my face this weekend. But it's not to say that I don't want you to ask me how I'm doing with my cancer, that we're just going to ignore it because you got a paper cut. If we're friends and we're there for each other, then we should equally care on how each other was doing. And things became very one sided.

Speaker 2: 6:21

Then I started to realize, as I got sicker with treatment, that my stress level changed a little bit and I didn't have to walk on tippy toes and I didn't have to be careful what I said and I can really really be who I was and who I am authentically. And I started to realize that the friendship we had was very toxic because I couldn't be who I was authentically and clearly they felt like they couldn't be who they were authentically either because they were always offended by everything I said or did. Now I might have been the person to joke and offend and banter and those kinds of things, but I also overextended myself and including them in everything I did in my life and making sure that they were comfortable and they had the tools they needed to succeed. However, while I was making sure everybody else was okay, I wasn't taking care of myself. Now I decided I'm taking care of myself and I cut a lot of people off. This person just happened to be one of them and it's crazy that I am being told that I am responsible for what that person is going through in their mental health journey. And I'm just going to say sometimes you have to be held accountable for your own actions. I, I don't know. I feel like I have always been a great friend. I've always had this person's back, but you know, to me that doesn't matter. Like all that shit is relevant, right? Because the only thing is that I fought hard for my mental health and to get to where I am today, and I did that because it's my mental health, I'm a mental health advocate. It's my mental health, I'm a mental health advocate.

Speaker 2: 8:21

What I do on these podcasts is basically try to show people that you know what you have some kind of trauma, you need to heal from something, and until you start doing those things, your life can really never be fulfilling. I can't give you a method, which is why I invite my guests on, and I have all these guests come on and they're specialists in their field. They have their methods, they tried them, they work, they succeeded, they worked for them, and that's my goal. I'm going to say, hey, there are a million problems and a million ways to deal with them. I'm going to try to bring you every kind of method possible so that you can find the way to heal you. I am not the way. I am the mailman. I'm just dropping off these packages. What you open and do with them is your responsibility.

Speaker 2: 9:14

I feel like you know when you're not a good friend to somebody you know. When you haven't been there for somebody you know. When you lack, you know, and if you don't, I don't know. That's kind of narcissistic to me. Like you know, it's like you should know. I don't know who you are in a relationship, who you are in a friendship in a relationship. Who you are in a friendship, you know. I remember having a conversation and I was in a really, really dark place and I was telling this person just about my feelings and they were borderline, suicidal and her response was like, oh my God, isn't this so cute? Like, completely ignore my feelings. However, had that been in reverse, I would have been the bad guy, and the moment that she moved away from our area and was out of my life, my days became very, very stress free, like all I had to worry about was cancer.

Speaker 2: 10:14

Now, I didn't just let go of this one person. Now, I didn't just let go of this one person. I let go of a plethora of people. You know family members, you know siblings, like I just said, hey, I need to take care of me right now. I had to put all you guys on the back burner because in taking care of doing and I have to suffer through this painful ass medication, you know. So I let go of a couple of people, people who weren't bringing any value to my life at the time. Now, I'm not saying that's what it's about or that I did the right thing, but I am still a work in progress, right? So you know, maybe I didn't go about it the right way, just cutting people off, but you knew that your ass done took the damn mile from the inch already.

Speaker 2: 11:11

Ok, I feel like everybody who I've cut off in my life knows that they have got the very best out of me, knows that they have got the very best out of me. And if they don't understand that I needed to take the time to get myself together, because here I am fighting this demon, that it took me 14 years to get into remission Okay, a very long time. I've been dealing with this since my childhood. You know. It's kind of why I'm so ignorant now. Right, it's why I'm so childish now, because cancer was my whole life. You know, I fought it for so long and, on top of all the other trauma I went through, I wasn't anybody. Now I'm somebody, you know. Now I value who I am. I value myself and what I've grown to be and how I love myself and how I really don't give a flying. I just don't care what people think.

Speaker 2: 12:05

But I thought this was important because her family decided they wanted to go on the airwaves and call me out and call me a fraud, because they say I'm not thinking of her mental health. And my message to them today is, if you're concerned about her mental health, please make sure she gets the professional help that she needs. You know, I learned a long time ago that one person can't be somebody's everything, and I think that's what we do. We put so much pressure on people, but people like me allow you to. You know, I allow you to think that I'm always going to be here, and I'm always going to be here when you need me and I'm going to be that stepping stone and I'm going to let you take advantage and I'm going to provide you. Excuse me, that was rude, I just burped and I'm going to. I just made some really good tacos, right, okay, my bad. Back to to the subject, but the tacos were good. Um, but I think that's like. You know, people are so used to me just being the provider for whatever they need emotional, I ain't gonna say physical, because I'm not a sexual person, but um and not that it had to be sexually, because I actually hug a lot. So maybe even I give a lot of hugs where you want to hug I am a good hugger, right.

Speaker 2: 13:29

But one thing I'm not going to do any longer is put my wellbeing to the side for somebody else. That is a big thing in my learning lesson and I understand that this person has mental health issues and have been fighting a huge mental health battle for a really long time, and I hope that our time together has helped in that battle. But I can no longer put my well-being to the side for other people. I can't do it. I think that's, you know. Maybe it is selfish, but it's my time to be selfish.

Speaker 2: 14:07

You know I have worked endlessly my whole life taking care of other people. Literally my whole life has been dedicated to taking care of other people. I don't raise kids that don't belong to me. I don't raise just. I don't raise a lot. I don't raise the streets, but I did a lot and I will continue to do all that I can for people, but not at the expense of myself, and I think that's what people don't understand. I'm no longer that weak-willed individual that allows people to put their all their problems on me. It's like I realize I'm empathic, I realize that I care, but I also need to realize that it's not meant for me to fix everybody's problem, and I guess that is the lesson in all this.

Speaker 2: 14:59

The lesson in all this is that you know what someone was hurt because I let them go, but I let them go because they were toxic for me and I probably am toxic for them. You know, anytime I have to explain everything I say and have to over explain and make you understand that I wasn't trying to be offensive or that you took it the wrong way. I'm not the right person that should be in your life either right, because I shouldn't cause you triggers and in return, you shouldn't cause me triggers. And I realized that my life at the time, or my life for as long as we've known each other, kind of went through some really dark times. That was brought on by you and some of the things that you said and the things that you did and ways that you acted.

Speaker 2: 15:51

Now here it is, that I'm really focusing on myself, really trying to take care of my well-being. I am waiting on cancer results. Am I back in remission? Do I still have to go through more treatments? Like what's the next thing? Which I don't think I could do? Any more treatments, but that's going to be a story for another day, right? But the moral of the story is you can call me a fraud, you can call me an asshole, you can say I ain't shit, and all those things may be true in one way or another. However, I'm going to bring you the method. I'm going to work really, really hard on bringing you as many methods as I can to help you fight in your mental health battle. But I am not responsible for your battle, for how you fight it and for whether you win or lose, and for you.

Speaker 2: 16:50

Trying to put that on me doesn't, and even for your family doing it doesn't speak too highly of you, of you, and I feel like now's the time to refocus, reevaluate our relationship, the way I have, so that you can also determine that, hey, you are better off without me, because we're so different, you know, and friendships like we. I love her, love her to death, and I will continue to love her, continue to wish her best in life. I'm hoping that everything that she moved for is succeeding and that she is doing wonderfully. I wish that and I hope that for everybody, but I also know that we're not all meant to be in each other's lives for always. There are forever friends and I have some, but they are a lot of situations and a lot of relationships in my life that have been for a short period and we got what we needed from each other. I hope that you left this friendship knowing that you still needed to heal and that you have to fight every day for your wellbeing. But I'm not responsible for it. I can't be, because I can only be responsible for me and my healing.

Speaker 2: 18:09

And I think that's a problem in this world is that we look to everybody else when we really need to be looking at ourselves. Do we need to find safe place in people? Yes. Do we need to have confidence, confidants? Yes. Do we need to be able to commune and talk and grow and socialize and have friends? Yeah, but not everybody is meant to be your friend. Our friendship is very toxic and if you sit there and you think about the stuff that we went through, you will see how toxic it was. Think about the stuff that we went through, you will see how toxic it was. But not one time have I sat out here and called you anything other than what you are A beautiful, capable person and for you and your family to attack me because of your well-being is the wrong way to go. You need to focus on your mental health, seek the help you need, go back, remember and watch some episodes of these Fucking Feelings podcast A brand new episode every Wednesday. There's so many methods out there to healing, but trying to put your healing on somebody else is not the answer, and I think that's the trauma in all this.

Speaker 2: 19:29

My trauma in all this is that I always want to be there for people. I always want to fix things and maybe this time I try to do it with the wrong person, because now I'm being held responsible for their wellbeing and I'm not responsible for it well-being and I'm not responsible for it. I can't be, because it's your well-being. I did all I could for you as a friend. I can comfortably record and say everything I'm saying because it's the truth and I thought about all weekend long. Do I feel bad that you're hurting along? Do I feel bad that you're hurting? Yes, I even feel bad that I am the person that hurts you, but I can't shine. I mean, I can't dim my light any longer. I can't continue to fall back on my real opinions and my thoughts and the way I feel, because it's going to offend you. I have to be who I am authentically. Every day I try to be better than I was the day before and I am a good person. When it's time for me to be a good person, I say that because I'm human, so I fall short, you know, but I'm healing and I'm a work in progress.

Speaker 2: 20:47

If you get nothing else out of this conversation, know that not everybody is meant to be in your life. Not everybody is meant to be your savior. You have to take care of yourself. You have to want to heal, you have to need it, you have to want it as much as you want air and it has to be you doing it. It can't be anybody else.

Speaker 2: 21:13

And I realized that this year. I realized not so much that I was counting on other people, but I was allowing too many other people to count on me for healing, when I'm still healing and I need to continue to find methods to heal further and I healed from a lot. But if you guys ever listen to anything I ever say, you know that part of this journey is stuck on guilt, and that guilt is that so many people are miserable and I don't want them to be. Life should be grand, life should be grand, it should be great. And you know, that was one lesson I was trying to teach this person, but I was overcompensating and giving them everything that I thought they needed when really I needed to let them find it on their own. Now I need it to take care of myself and they're forced to find it on their own and I'm being blamed for that. But it's your healing. Go out there and get it Peace, love and blessings.

Speaker 1: 22:19

And that brings us to the end of yet another insightful episode of Trauma is Expensive. I'm signing off on behalf of your host, micah Bravery, reminding all you brave souls to continue counting the cost and making the change. Don't forget to visit wwwTraumaIsExpensivecom, a dynamic space for understanding, healing and transformation, where we fuel the journey to turn pain into progress. Until we meet again, stay resilient, stay empowered and remember the mantra count the cost and make the change. Thank you for being part of the conversation. We bid you farewell. Until next time.