The Unspoken Storm: A Child's Silent Struggle Beside a Mother's Battle with Cancer

When the silence in a waiting room is shattered by a child's unspoken pain, you find yourself on sacred ground. Join me, Micah Bravery, as I recount a heart-wrenching moment shared with a seven-year-old autistic boy, whose confusion over his mother's illness unfolds into a profound lesson on the unseen battles within a family. This episode offers an earnest exploration into the delicate dance between shielding our children and the necessity of honest communication, especially during times of crisis. We ponder the weight of unshared family trauma and how empathy can indeed become a bridge to healing.

Expect to be moved as we navigate the complexities of raising a child with special needs against the backdrop of a parent's fight with cancer. It's a candid look at the dual struggle of managing a child's emotional health while dealing with life's harrowing challenges. You'll hear about the ripple effects of sacrifice through a child's eyes, the resilience that children possess, and the depth of parental love that often goes unspoken. This isn't just a conversation; it's an unexpected exchange of therapy and comfort, offering insight and an unforgettable lesson in the power of connection found in life's most ordinary places.

#TraumaIsExpensive #ParentingInsights #ChildhoodTrauma #PodcastDiscussion #AutismAwareness #ParentingTips #UnexpectedConversations #PerspectiveShifts #ListenAndLearn #NewEpisodeAlert 🎧
#AuthenticConversations #ThoughtProvoking #mentalhealthsupport #healingjourney #mentalhealthawareness 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello there, brave souls, welcome to Trauma is Expensive, with your host, Micah Bravery. Here we don't just talk about trauma, we count the cost and we make the change. With every episode, we dive deep into the heart of trauma, its implications and the resilient transformations it can ignite, through conversations, insights, real stories and unflinching honesty. This podcast is here to empower every survivor to turn their pain into progress. So let's take a journey together as we understand, confront and finally heal. Welcome to wwwtraumasexpensivecom, your platform for change. Now let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:53

What is up? My beautiful people, happy Monday. Hope you guys had a great and fantastic Easter weekend. I actually had a unique experience and I wanted to share it with you all. So I don't know if this goes with the theme of the podcast or not, but I still thought it was kind of really important.

Speaker 2: 1:14

So I was at my doctor's office my oncologist and there was a mom there with kind of a little rowdy little boy. It was climbing and flipping and doing all these things and she was becoming so impatient with him she didn't have any more patience and she was at her wit end and she told him to sit down. So sit down on the floor. She just needed him to sit down and like be quiet. So he sat down on the floor, kind of like next to me where I was sitting in the chair. And you know I saw this going on, but it was just hey, whatever. I don't know about parenting, I don't know about kids. I mind my business. You know what I'm saying. But the little boy looks at me and tells me that he hates his mom and at first I kind of just nodded and didn't know what to say. But then he said it again like I hate my mom and you know, my response is I think that she's trying the best that she can. You know, and you can tell clearly. Look at him and tell that he was well taken care of, that he was loved, um, but once again we're in oncology office, so who knows what's going on, right? So I asked him how old he was and he told me he was seven and I said you know, it's really easy to say those things now, but once you get older you realize what your mom is to you, you know. But once again, here it is.

Speaker 2: 2:56

I'm in an awkward situation, like I always am. People find their way to me to talk to me. Most of the time I'll talk to you, but in this situation there's a kid and I. I just ain't got time for the drama. So you know he was just huffing and puffing and he's upset and he's mad. And then his mom finally finished checking in, checking in, and she comes over to get him and he doesn't want to move. And you know, she know she tells me she's sorry and I was like no, he's fine where he is. So she just finds a seat like close to us. So then he asked me have I ever been bullied and I was like, ok, where is this going?

Speaker 2: 3:38

So comes to find out the young man was autistic. The young man was autistic and it kind of shocked me because to me he didn't look autistic, which is ignorant. And it was a learning lesson that you never know. And it's funny because I tell people this all the time, right, you never know what someone's going through. But here I am kind of judging a book by its cover, right. So his mom tells me that he's autistic. She kind of just wanted me to bear with him because she sees that he wanted to talk and I was OK with it because I'm waiting in this waiting room with everybody else. They seen it, we're running behind. Cool, let's have this conversation.

Speaker 2: 4:22

So he begins to tell me how he's bullied in school and why he's bullied in school and why he thinks people don't like him and you know all these things, a lot of concerns about not being normal, whatever that is and I kind of feel like it put me in a real compromising situation. Like, do I sit here and give their semi-old advice, like, but the stuff he's saying is really, really deep. His mom is in air shop so she can hear what's going on. She's kind of like teary eyed. So I felt like maybe this is the first time that she's hearing of these things. So I go on to tell him stories about myself, of course, because you know I love talk about me. But no, really it was. It was to try to find a way to relate and I too know what it's like to be bullied for different reasons, but still bullied in school, especially in elementary school and middle school, where people just ignorant as hell, right, like kids, don't know kids are cruel, this world is crazy. But but you know, I finally asked him. You know he talked and he talked and he talked and he talked and we talked and had more conversations and you know he kind of has a lot of like built up emotions. But you know, one thing came to mind and kept coming to mind why are you so angry with your mother? So I asked him. I'm like, hey, what's going on? Why do you say that you hate your mother? And his answer was very, very simple Because she hasn't told me she's sick and I don't know. It was kind of like you know, you know how they say the light.

Speaker 2: 6:06

There's a lot of things that we sorry I don't have kids. I say we because I raised a lot of kids in my lifetime, all right. So I have a lot of godchildren and stepchildren, and just children, children and adopted children not officially adopted, but, you know, adopted and some grandkids because I adopted a grown person and so, anyway, that's another story for another day. But, you know, I started to think about the things that parents do, like the things parents did to me, you know, as far as like Santa Claus, like you have me believing in Santa Claus, only for me to later find out that he doesn't exist. Like I don't know. I feel like I hate to say anything because I don't want to offend nobody. I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I know that when I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus, with all the other traumas I was going through at the time, it was devastating to me, right, and I probably had some kind of PTSD for it. The tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, like the Sandman, like all of these things.

Speaker 2: 7:40

I don't know, like why we continue to pass this on from generation to generation. You, you know, especially Christmas, because I feel like all we're doing is teaching our children greed, but because you know, it's supposed to be the season to give, and some people do, but most people is about what they want, right, like I've heard so much about Christmas list, christmas list, christmas list. Like all my friends, kids had Christmas lists, right? So, getting back to this young man who is seven years old and brilliant, but he knew his mom was keeping a secret from him. Now she's in earshot, of course, so she hears a conversation and is like I really don't know what to say. It's like I don't want to pry, I feel like it's an awkward situation, but he's talking, and do I want to ignore the fact that he's talking, right? So I kind of look at the mom and I just want to know, like, is this OK, you know? And she looks at me and she has tears in her eyes and it was like, oh my God, what the fuck is going on. I just want to see my oncologist and be on Like I'm stressed enough, as it is dealing with my own cancer. This is a situation I am not prepared for, Like I'm not mentally prepared for this, that's right.

Speaker 2: 8:55

But some reason the little boy gravitated towards me. He had a story and he wanted to tell it, and so we began to talk about why parents do the things they do. If you guys ever listen to these fucking feelings podcast, which is our sister podcast brand new episodes every Wednesday yes, I'm always going to promote that. Say, one of the worst things my parents ever did was allow me to see them sacrifice and to sacrifice so much of themselves for us and for other people, and I feel like that was such a bad thing, because now all I know how to do is sacrifice, right?

Speaker 2: 9:37

So you know, I'm thinking about this little boy who knows his mother is sick. He's not dumb, we're in an oncology office. He also explains to me that he overheard conversations between his mom and his grandma and he knows that his mom is suffering from breast cancer. He doesn't know how bad it is. She's the only person he got and she doesn't want to lose him.

Speaker 2: 10:00

So now the mom gets up and she comes over and she hugs him and she starts talking to him and explaining that she just didn't know how to tell him. She didn't want him to be scared and those kind of things, and he had the dopest response ever. He said I can be there for you, and I thought it was the most amazing thing it showed so much about her parenting, like you know what, you are doing, something right, mama, keep doing it right. And you know, they called her, which I was upset about because they called her before me, but I think we had different doctors, it's whatever. So but her son didn't want to go with her. He wanted to sit with me and I was like, well, what if they call me? But, ok, cool, he can stick with me If you're OK with it, I'm OK with it, I'm not going nowhere. Fine, I guess I seem trustworthy because she went to her doctor which you know to her was like it's going to be real quick, it was just some results and she'll be right back.

Speaker 2: 11:01

So you know, we go and we proceed to have our conversation and we dive deeper into the struggles he's goal he goes through as an autistic child just going to school, being in like special learning classes, you know, being picked on and teased on and become retarded and stupid and crazy and all these other things. He does have anger outbursts and he knows it. We actually talked about it and he said it was something he couldn't control. He says I can't control this and I don't know. It was just. You know, once again, I'm not a parent, so it was really hard to like say what I'm thinking and not offend anybody, because it's not my goal. Once again, if you're a parent and you're actually out there actively raising your kids, you're doing an amazing job. I'm proud of you. Stick with them, don't give up on them. We just live in a fucked up world right now.

Speaker 2: 12:01

But you know, I'm legit sitting here having a therapy session with a seven-year-old, unsolicited therapy session at that. Right, I wasn't prepared for this. I'm kind of in my own personal state of craziness because I too am here for some cancer results, right. But it's cool. The universe moves in funny ways and maybe it was just meant for me to talk to this little boy, cool. So he tells me that he never had a father. His father left him when he was younger because he was broken, and I guess maybe that's just. You know what his mom told him. I don't understand, but the broken part, you know it was like you're not broken, you're just different. But we're all different. So I didn't know how I was going to explain that to a seven year old, but I think I did a pretty good job and told him he was perfect. You are perfect. There is nobody you can compare yourself to. You're perfect.

Speaker 2: 13:02

And it got to the point where he came and he was talking to me about his anger and he says he gets so mad that he wants to destroy things and he hears voices in his head. To me, I understand stood him to be feelings. You know, I do feel like I am the fucking feeling expert, right. So I feel like what he was trying to describe was feelings, but to him it was a voice in his head. But if you were to listen to the way he described it, basically he was talking about feelings, having feelings and not being able to control his feelings. And you know I try to explain the whole feelings is fleeing things, and that you know feelings only last a moment, or some feelings last a moment, and anger, rage and those kind of things. And that you know, if he knew his mom was sick, would she then confirm and talk to him about it? You know, right there in front of me, that you know he needed to just find something, find something to do. You know, I think that it's okay to lay into your anger sometimes, it's okay to lay into depression and lay into anxiety, like those things are necessary. Sometimes you have to like go through them to figure out why they're there, right?

Speaker 2: 14:23

But once again, this is a very, very adult conversation that I'm having with a seven year old. I didn't ask for this to happen, but I'm here now. I don't want to not talk, but I don't want to give the wrong advice and I don't want to say the wrong thing and I'm like, oh my God, will his mom just come out already from this doctor's office? And you know he's asking questions and he wants to know what I was there for. And so I told him, you know, I had cancer and he wanted to know, was I going to die? And I said, um, I hope not. And he said is my mom going to die? And I had the same response I hope not, um, because what do you say to a seven-year-old, um?

Speaker 2: 15:06

But I guess the most important thing that I learned it's honesty again is that you know parents do a lot to protect children, but is it necessary or are you doing it the right way? And I'm not saying this to guess or second guess, you know, but in this situation this little boy had known that his mom had been sick for months and he knew that it was supposed to be a secret and he kept it inside and he was having so much anger outbursts because of it. Right, and it was like if his mom would have talked to him or had the conversation with him or be honest with him, would it have gotten to the point where now she started to feel like I can't control him. I'm going through this and I can't control him and I feel like a lot of this would have been alleviated if you would have just talked to your child and just explained to him what's going on. Now, once again, it's no judgment, it's just my opinion. I feel like sometimes we hurt people in trying not to hurt them. So I don't know if you're going to hurt them anyway, why not hurt them with the truth? It's just, you know.

Speaker 2: 16:26

I wanted to tell this story because it amazed me number one at his intellect and how much he understands, and I'm starting to realize that this new school generation of kids just come out the womb knowing shit right. So that was like the amazing part of this conversation, or the amazing part of that day, was that I'm sitting here talking to this boy who is vocalizing and articulating what he's feeling and what he wants and what he expects from people at seven years old and I'm like that's pretty dope. But in another instance it was sad to me because he felt like his needs weren't being met and a lot of them were simple. He just wanted to know the truth. He just wanted to know what was going on in his household, what was going on in the lives of his mom and his grandmother and you know the people that he loved, because he didn't have a lot of people loved.

Speaker 2: 17:21

He felt like most people, or he still feels like it, you know, feels like people don't like him. He feels like he's stupid and retarded and all the things that people say and to him, all he has is his mom and his grandmother and maybe a couple of cousins that he talk about. But you know, the world has been really cruel to him so far. So he feel like he just doesn't have nobody and a lot of his anger came from the fact that. Number one, he doesn't know how sick his mom is. He feels like she can die at any moment. It's a possibility. I don't know how sick she was either, but I mean I did find out at the end that she was going to be okay. So let's point that out there.

Speaker 2: 18:00

But you know, at the time and talking to him it's, you know he's expressing all these feelings and a lot of them could have been avoided. You know and I feel like this is where it comes into talking about you know what this podcast is about and it's how expensive trauma can be. You know, by trying to protect him Well, number one, I guess it's like he found out. You know he heard you and your mom talking about it. He knows what's going on. So I was like, if you're going to hide something, let's do a little better job at hiding.

Speaker 2: 18:38

Ok, once again, no judgment. I'm just saying you know his thing is that he overheard something and it hurt him. You know it really really hurt him, hurt him. You know it really really hurt him, but you know it's. It's how much trauma has he went through these last few months going to school, being picked on and bullied on and being made fun of and trying to learn at the same time. Because he seemed to be really, really, um, interested in school and what it had to offer and he liked going to school and he wanted to be a good student, wanted to have good grades, he wants to go college, so all those things are pretty dope to hear, but he couldn't do that the way he had been doing it, because all he could think about is is my mom going to die? He was scared to ask her because she didn't tell him. You know, it seemed they grew up in an okay household. And I'm saying okay because I don't know. I don't know the whole story, I don't know the whole situation.

Speaker 2: 19:36

Once again, it was just thinking about this incredible young man filled with all these fucking feelings that were causing trauma, these fucking feelings that were causing trauma because his parents decided to hide something that should have been shared, in my opinion, you know. And so his mom finally comes out and she gives me a hug and she says I want you to know he doesn't talk to anybody. So the fact that he's talking to you says a lot about who you are. And at the time I'm thinking about, I don't know who I am because I'm freaking out myself because I'm about to get these test results and I think I'm a little high, but whatever, and um, but it's cool, you know, if it was his first time talking to somebody, I guess I'm glad it was me, you know. I hope I helped in some kind of way.

Speaker 2: 20:35

But the dopest thing that happened is that they went to leave. His mom gave me a hug, he gave me a dab and they started to walk out the door. When he yells, wait. And he comes back and he asked me what can I do? And I'm confused by the question because I don't know what the heck he is referring to. So I said what do you mean? And he says when I get angry and I want to hurt something and I want to destroy things, what do I do? And I just, my answer was simple is do the best that you can. You know, I explained to him that his mother loves him. The fact that she told him things probably had nothing to do with him. They were trying to protect him, trying to get him to see the parents' outlook on things Once again, not being a parent, but I am an adult and I have nephews and nieces and I know that we keep things from them and I'm starting to realize that we shouldn't.

Speaker 2: 21:34

But it was the dopest thing that here is a seven year old boy recognizing that he has to him these voices in his head, and, and and when he explained them to me, I'm gonna say feelings. He had these feelings, but to him he said voices. So we'll say voices, right, and yes, people have voices and many people have voices in the head. But the way he described it, I know it was a feeling. He's having these feeling about things and he doesn't know how to control these feelings because it won't nobody talk to him, won't nobody give him honesty, these feelings, because it won't nobody talk to him, won't nobody give him honesty. He's about to go crazy because he thinks his mom is gonna die on him.

Speaker 2: 22:14

He just needed to know what was going on, you know, and it started with I hate my mom and it ended with him learning that you just have to do the best that you can. You're gonna get angry, get angry and it's not always okay, but sometimes it's necessary. Let's not destroy things, you know, but let's get to the root cause, you know. So I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did give him my business card and told him hey, here's my number, if it's okay with your mother, anytime you want to talk. Hey, here's my number, if it's okay with your mother. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here, except when I'm at work, but I don't know. He was just such an incredible, incredible, I don't know. He was an incredible representation of innocence that was starting to be tainted.

Speaker 2: 23:10

Trauma was being given to this little boy and it really was, for no reason, like he had this trauma. He started to feel this trauma, he started to be affected by this trauma of I don't know what's going on with my mom. I know something's wrong and she's not telling me and I think about, like what if she did die and they never got to discuss her cancer? Like what if, I don't know, she got really sick? Like you know, when was going to be the right time to tell them? I don't know.

Speaker 2: 23:52

Every situation is different. I'm going to give you some advice as a non-parent. I just think that you need to analyze situations, analyze the outcome. You know. Once again, let's go back on to Santa Claus. You sit here and for what? Seven, eight, nine years of a child's life? You have them believing in this Santa Claus baking cookies, leaving out milk for this man who come and brings you presents, only to find out that he doesn't exist. That's nine years of being lied to.

Speaker 2: 24:30

I think that's where trust issues start tales and you know the this, these myths and made-up stories, and tooth fairy and easter bunnies, that kind of start to cause the pattern of allowing innocence to lose its trust. You know, and I think we need to change that I think that the cost is far more than we can ever consider. So, as a non-parent but someone, hey, still has a childless mind I will say give your kids a little more credit, because I think they can handle a lot more than you think they can. And just talk to them, be honest with them, tell them the truth, because, whether you believe it or not, they know more than you think they know, and if they don't get the answers from you, they're going to seek it from someone else.

Speaker 2: 25:38

Now me, I'm a mental health advocate. You know I have two podcasts that we do about mental health, so I may not have been the worst person for this little boy to talk to Now, I'm not a professional but, hey, I know what it's like to be lied to so and to be angry about that lie. So, as a person who went through it, I felt like I had the knowledge that he needed to speak on it. I felt like I had the knowledge that he needed to speak on it. However, it could have been a totally different person that would have tried to, or could have tried to, take advantage of the situation. And I guess what I'm trying to say is let your children come to you. Let your children trust you enough that they want to come to you with everything.

Speaker 2: 26:27

You know it's hard. It's hard when your parent disappoints you and it's probably one of the most hardest things because of the love and the bond and the respect, and parents are always kids heroes. You know, mom was my hero, my dad was my hero. So let's just be honest with these children and and give them enough I don't know have confidence that they can deal with it and that they can learn from it.

Speaker 2: 26:58

And if not, it's something that you can do together and heal together and understand it together and deal with it together, because here was this boy who was having anger issues because he knew his mother was sick and she didn't tell him, but he knew it. Let's just start talking to our kids people. You know, hey, I'm gonna get some kids eventually, right, so I'm going to take that advice too, but I don't know. He was brilliant and he taught me a lot today, but the biggest thing that he taught me was that hiding the truth from adolescence and innocence isn't always the best thing, especially in the world we live in today. Allow your children to trust you by hearing the truth from you. I'm going to tell you what I told him. Just do the best that you can Peace, love and blessings.

Speaker 1: 28:05

And that brings us to the end of yet another insightful episode of Trauma is Expensive. I'm signing off on behalf of your host, micah Bravery, reminding all you brave souls to continue counting the cost and making the change. Don't forget to visit wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, a dynamic space for understanding, healing and transformation, where we fuel the journey to turn pain into progress. Until we meet again, stay resilient, stay empowered and remember the mantra count the cost and make the change. Thank you for being part of the conversation. We bid you farewell. Until next time.