The Power of Connection in the Face of Silent Adversity

When the darkness of trauma envelops the spirit, where does one find the spark to ignite healing? This is the heart of our latest podcast episode, where I share the raw and unvarnished truths of my life. This isn't just another narrative; it's a testament to the silent battles many endure, a shared journey through the valleys of personal sorrow, and a beacon for the hopeful pursuit of light. I open up about my own struggles with 16 years of sexual assault and abuse, extending a hand to fellow survivors and inviting you to step into a space where pain transforms into progress. It's a conversation that goes beyond my story as I welcome you to share yours, to connect with a community that understands and to start the healing process together.

Reach out with your stories and thoughts to podcast@fukkenfeelings.com, because every voice matters in the quest for understanding and change. This episode is a cornerstone of our commitment at www.traumaisexpensive.com to empower and unite those who are on the path to recovery. It's about breaking the silence, acknowledging the pain that many carry, and collectively navigating our way back to the light. Your experiences, your resilience, and your journey towards healing are what this episode is all about – because here, we count the cost of trauma, and more importantly, we make the change.

#HealingJourney #SurvivorStories #TraumaRecovery #FindYourLight #ShareYourStory #BreakTheSilence #Empowerment #UnityInHealing #PathToRecovery #SilentBattles #PersonalSorrow #HopefulPursuit #SexualAssaultSurvivor #AbuseSurvivor #TransformPain #CommunitySupport #UnderstandingChange #VoiceMatters #EmpowerUnite #NavigateToLight #Resilience #CostOfTrauma #MakeTheChange #TraumaIsExpensivePodcast #FukkenFeelings #YourStoryMatters #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #permissiontoheal #mentalhealthawareness 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello there, brave souls, welcome to Trauma is Expensive, with your host, micah Bravery. Here we don't just talk about trauma, we count the cost and we make the change. With every episode, we dive deep into the heart of trauma, its implications and the resilient transformations it can ignite, through conversations, insights, real stories and unflinching honesty. This podcast is here to empower every survivor to turn their pain into progress. So let's take a journey together as we understand, confront and finally heal. Welcome to wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, your platform for change. Now let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:53

Welcome to what is perhaps the most heartfelt episode of trauma, is expensive. Yet, other than the episode we talked about, maddie, where someone threatened to put a hole through her chest, I don't know. It's been a crazy week. My mom had surgery, as you guys know, and it had its complications, and I thought last week was my last week of chemo and it's not this week as my last week of chemo and I guess I just need to get some things off my chest.

Speaker 2: 1:24

So I'm going to do what I always do, right, as one of our listeners told me, it's pretty funny. I mean, he's a pretty consistent listener, he listens all the time and he says I talk too much. I guess I do, but no, honestly, what he said was he felt like I needed to stop talking so much for myself and allow the guests to basically be more involved in the interview. And you know, for a long time I was thinking about it and I was like it's kind of crazy, because the reason I do that is because I ask questions that sometimes need an example and I never want to offend anybody by making up an example, making up feelings. I mean I never want to betray someone's trauma by fictionalizing stories that to some are very real. So, because I have had a life full of trauma, the only truth that I can speak on when I ask certain questions is my own, and you know it's like I hate that. You see it as a way that I'm always talking about myself, and it is I am. I do always talk about myself, but it's not when I'm one I'm going to tell you now I am all about the free therapy, right you? So I do welcome advice on my personal life on our podcast. However, I don't want to belittle any trauma that people are going through, so try and make up examples. I don't know the feelings behind them. Trying to research and realize what some people are going through, I don't know. I'm just saying, hey, if you want to come up here and tell your story, if you want to teach a lesson, you survive something and you feel like you're not being represented, send me an email. Podcast at fucking feelings dot com. That is f? U k k e? N. Podcast at fucking feelings dot com. Let's begin that episode.

Speaker 2: 3:39

Today I pull back the curtains on a life story that oscillates between the shadows of Profile Sorrow and the pursuit of Light. This narrative is not only mine, but also a shared echo of countless silent battles being fought in darkness. By exposing the raw and stark reality of my own experiences, I aim to reach out to those in their own darkness, offering a glimmer of hope that healing begins with the acknowledgement of our pain and from there we can collectively navigate our way back to the Light. Now, if you guys listened to these fucking feelings podcast, you would know that I sit on a lot of trouble. But just recently I kind of been telling people about the first memory I ever had in life and the first memory I ever had of my life. Like, if I go back and I'm trying to think about me and diapers, I don't have a lot of memories. The first memory that comes to my mind is me being molested.

Speaker 2: 4:55

I endured 16 years in a cycle of sexual assault and abuse. It was the reality so harsh that it seemed like the universe designed this to break my spirit Once again. If people do listen to things, you would know that I'm very conflicted when it comes to my relationship with God because I don't know what to believe. I don't believe I've been through some very, very horrible things from a very, very young age, I feel like from the time I'm 18, over. Those mistakes was mine. But, lord, from newborn to 18, I ain't gonna say that those cause I don't know if they were mistakes, I don't know what they were, but those lessons and them trying times and the things that I had to overcome, I don't know how you could allow me to have gone through it, but that is a story for another day.

Speaker 2: 5:51

All right, the worst thing about being abused is that it came from my own community, and when I say my own community, I am Puerto Rican. I grew up around Puerto Ricans and African-Americans. To me, that is my community, okay, and people who have been my guardians were my tormentives. People who should have respected the fact that I did come from their community were my tormentives. They didn't just inflict physical wounds, but they assaulted the very essence of my being and left me feeling worthless and alone, and sometimes I still feel alone. The relentless abuse was so dark that I was even traded for drugs by someone I loved. It kind of was the ultimate betrayal for me, and it also marked the moment that I realized that my worth to some can be monetized and I was now a commodity.

Speaker 2: 7:15

And yeah, I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm gonna say probably the most horrible thing that happened was an ordeal when my attacker was one of my attackers and I don't know. My sexual assault is really, really strange because it was most of the time, people I knew I don't wanna use the word attacker because I wasn't attacked but my assaulter, one of my assaulters used to cut small holes on my body and he used to use that blood to basically pleasure himself. It was crazy. It wasn't just an assault on my body at this time, but it was a profound spit on my humanity and it has left scars that I still feel to this day. I feel like I haven't survived this trauma, that I learned to endure it. The violation was compounded by devastating yeah. So now we go and move on from there.

Speaker 2: 8:50

And I've had some pretty common issues too, like losing everything I was on. I was on a house fire, living in places that weren't safe, having to live in shelters and then just always being reminded of my vulnerability to violence because of what I've been through. But these trials, even the simplest act of trust became herculean task. I always talk about a barber and having a barber. You know it took a long time for me to find a barber that I could trust, because I go through a lot of triggering issues when I'm in a barber chair just because of how, especially if the barber is male and it's just because it's an unwanted touch, I don't want you to touch me, but I know I need a haircut Cause I got that crazy hair to this, that crazy curly, weird stuff, and it's uncontrollable if it gets long. I need a haircut, right.

Speaker 2: 9:53

But you know, to be honest, this has been one of like a big struggle for me having a barber, having a barber, having a barber trying to find a barber. For the most part, I used to find kind of like women barbers, you know, but then women are crazy. I love you, I don't, but this barber was just, you know, she wanted everything, she wanted every, though she did everything in her power to make me a racist and I don't know why. I think I had a lot to do with the fact that I am so fair skin. I had green eyes, but I still got Puerto Rican hair, but it was just something. I mean, she used to walk around and call me white boy, but, you know, eventually I realized that that was starting to hold another trauma. So I found a barber. Now this barber is awesome, but he's a male and it causes a lot of anxiety. When I'm in his chair I go through like panic attacks and I wanna just run and leave and it's like, no, you can't. You kinda have to like, stick it out, you need haircut. Okay, bro, you need haircut.

Speaker 2: 11:10

So throughout my journey, I struggled to understand the motivations of those who inflicted such pain, coming to realize that their actions were a reflection of their own tormented narratives. It didn't have anything to do with me. This realization provided some context, but it did little to alleviate the pain and erase the scars that were already on my soul. Yet it was through this relentless darkness, through confronting the depths of my suffering, that I began to discern the faint glimmer of light, the resilience of my spirit and the unyielding strength that has carried me through the darkest nights. Sharing this story isn't about drawing in pain, but about shattering the silence that often comes with trauma. It's a declaration that we are not defined by our suffering, that we are far more than the sum of our painful experiences, and that dialogue and this dialogue is an invitation to anyone bearing the weight of unseen scars it's a call to recognize that our journeys, through shared painful experiences, can be a testament to growth, incredible strength and resilience.

Speaker 2: 12:41

The path of healing is a unique one for everybody. I say that all the time. On the F***ing Feelings Podcast, quick shout out brand new episodes every Wednesday. Yeah, so, but yeah, I think that means to me it's true. Okay, it's like healing is different for everybody. It's not one size fits all and in these journeys you don't have setbacks, you don't have victories, you don't have tears, you don't have trials. It demands that we confront our darkest fear, embrace our vulnerability and painfully piece together the fragments of our shattered self. I say painfully because in order to piece it together, it's kind of like a puzzle you have to find a piece, you have to make sure it fits in the right spot, and sometimes that's reliving moments. So it's painful, but the path revealed to me, through boundless captivity of the human heart, to endure, to find hope and ultimately heal, kind of got me through it. I knew I wanted to heal. I knew I needed to heal, I started healing.

Speaker 2: 14:11

So in this conversation, remember that your story, your pain and your journey towards healing matters, that you're not alone in your struggle, that your voice deserves to be heard Together. I say we confront our traumas, we acknowledge our pain, we embark on those first tentative steps towards healing. The message I hope to impart is that, no matter how deep our wounds are, how overwhelming nature of darkness can be, there is hope. Healing starts the moment we believe we are worthy of a brighter, more peaceful future. It just begins with knowing you're worthy, and if you were born into this world, believe me you are worthy. By sharing my story, I wanted to offer a beacon for those navigating through life's own darkness, through their life's darkness alone. It's a testament to the possibility she can't have my tongue of healing, to the idea that we can rise from the ashes of our pain and reclaim our lives. I think that's one of the reasons why I got a Phoenix tattoo on me, because I wanted to rise from the ashes.

Speaker 2: 15:45

This episode of trauma is expensive. It's your invitation to begin that journey, to take that brave first step towards healing, knowing that, although the road may be long and fraught and filled with challenges, it leads to a place of peace, self-acceptance, a renewed hope, a renewed you and a much happier life. But ultimately it's that place of peace that you want. So let's embrace this journey of healing together, affirming our worthiness of love, peace and happiness with every step we take. I am your host, michael Bravery, wishing you peace of love and joy. What ain't that how they would say it on Soul Train? We know peace, love and blessings. Thank you, guys, for continuing to tune in. We're always going to have a brand new episode where trauma is expensive. I ain't going to say always, because I don't always have my shit together, but for the most part, wednesday, you can count on Wednesdays. There will always be an episode Wednesday that you can fall back on. Healing is important.

Speaker 1: 17:02

And that brings us to the end of yet another insightful episode of Trauma is Expensive. I'm signing off on behalf of your host, michael Bravery, reminding all you brave souls to continue counting the cost and making the change. Don't forget to visit wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, a dynamic space for understanding, healing and transformation, where we fuel the journey to turn pain into progress. Until we meet again, stay resilient, stay empowered and remember the mantra count the cost and make the change. Thank you for being part of the conversation. We bid you farewell. Until next time.