The Unseen Struggles Within: A Tale of Health Advocacy and the Inheritance of Resilience

When the burden of illness casts a shadow over life's path, it's the unseen battles that often weigh heaviest. I, Micah Bravery, am here to share the stark truths of my own journey through chemotherapy, where victories were not without deep emotional cost. We traverse the complex landscape of trauma, laying bare the struggles of maintaining relationships amidst the specter of sickness. By weaving my narrative with the strength I've drawn from my mother, who's no stranger to health battles herself, this episode illuminates the resilience inherited and the tenacity required to face the often invisible hardships one endures while navigating severe illness and recovery.

The act of advocating in healthcare settings is more than just a duty; it's an act of love and survival. This episode details the crucial moments where I stood up for my mother's mental health against a medical system that tried to dismiss her anxiety as a trivial concern. Through storytelling, we explore the paramount importance of ensuring that mental well-being is not overshadowed by physical health, and the profound difference it makes when a patient's voice is heard and their mental health is addressed with the same urgency as their physical ailments. The journey also touches upon the integral role of personal advocacy, especially as it intersects with the challenges and complexities one faces as a member of the LGBTQ community seeking healing and understanding.

Against the backdrop of a harsh reality, this conversation represents a heartfelt plea for openness and dialogue around mental health, particularly in the realm of male vulnerability. Exposing the toll that trauma inflicts, I reflect on the repercussions of carrying unresolved pain—how it shapes our connections, forges emotional barriers, and often leads to a life more isolated than we might wish. The narrative culminates with an affirmation of the need for clear expression of our boundaries and an invitation to you, our listeners, to join in breaking the silence. Together, we affirm the power of community and the transformative potential of embracing our vulnerabilities to foster understanding, compassion, and change.

#TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #MicahBravery #ChemotherapyJourney #TraumaAndHealing #MentalHealthAdvocacy #LGBTQHealing #PersonalAdvocacy #MaleVulnerability #BreakingTheSilence #CommunityStrength #EmbracingVulnerability #HealthcareAdvocacy #MotherAndSon #Resilience #Tenacity #InvisibleHardships #RecoveryJourney #StorytellingForChange #EmotionalCostOfIllness #RelationshipsInSickness #MentalWellBeing #PhysicalAndMentalHealth #AdvocatingForChange #OpenDialogue #UnderstandingAndCompassion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello there, brave souls, welcome to Trauma is Expensive, with your host, micah Bravery. Here we don't just talk about trauma, we count the cost and we make the change. With every episode, we dive deep into the heart of trauma, its implications and the resilient transformations it can ignite, through conversations, insights, real stories and unflinching honesty. This podcast is here to empower every survivor to turn their pain into progress. So let's take a journey together as we understand, confront and finally heal. Welcome to wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, your platform for change. Now let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:50

That is up, my beautiful people, and welcome to an episode of Trauma is Expensive, where we count the cost and make the change. This is an unexpected podcast. We didn't do one Monday. I had a crazy, crazy week and now I'm dropping shit on my desk. But whatever it happens right, that is just what happens Sometimes. They used to just fucked up. They gonna stay fucked up and then you just have to go to sleep and wake up and not have a fucked up day.

Speaker 2: 1:21

So first I'm gonna tell y'all that I have been celebrating all week long because I thought that tomorrow was my last chemo treatment and I mean like celebrating, do you hear me? Yeah, chemo has officially sucked this time around. I entered a trial and then we also did some other medications just because we wanted to attack things aggressively, since we were able to catch it so early. But, excuse me, now that I'm at that 90 day mark of doing these treatments, it is kicking my ass. I tell y'all, it's kicking my ass, it is kicking my ass. So the biggest thing is the nauseousness. Right, you just can't get over the nauseousness, which is tied into vertigo, and then it feels like the whole world is spinning and all you want to do is just get your life under control. You know, and I started to think about it I'm like chemotherapy is essentially mental health. It is the part of mental health that we often don't talk about, we often don't deal with, and that is that uncontrollable side of us. Chemo has made me a better person, angry person, sad person, depressed, anxious I'm going to loosely use the word suicidal, because I don't have suicidal thoughts as far as oh, let me take my own life. But there have been a couple of days that I'm like okay, god, if you exist, can you just go ahead and wipe me out real quick, because I don't think I can do this anymore. So it's pretty funny.

Speaker 2: 3:06

I was talking to a couple of friends not so long ago it's been about a month or so and we were talking about being single and you know I was giving them a lot of advice on to why I thought maybe they were single. You know they're not putting themselves out there and they're this and that, but then they get around to me and they're like okay, yours, you know, same thing. Oh, my God, the person that God made for you is out there and I'm like okay, I hope that's true. But the more that I thought about it, the more I started to think about who wants to deal with all this trauma like, who wants to be the person that has to consciously think about the way they touch me so that I don't get triggered. I think that's the real reason why I'm single right, because, number one, I don't have time to introduce that to everybody and, number two, not everybody's gonna have time to want to deal with that. So I guess my destiny is to be single forever, right.

Speaker 2: 4:10

And these are just my random thoughts, because once again I have came over and I'm sitting here and I'm like trauma is so expensive. You know, you think about like my mom is in the hospital. You guys say a prayer for it If you pray for the right reasons. If you pray for the wrong reasons, keep her name out your mouth. Thank you. But my mom is in the hospital. She actually had to have a valve replacement and because of that it caused some backup fluid to go into her lungs and now she's staying in the hospital extra time and those kind of things.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Now my mom has suffered from anxiety from a very, very as long as I know, and I know in my whole life my mom has suffered from anxiety. Now, I know that there are people out there and your medical professionals, and you get these grades and you go to these schools and you have it all figured out. But I want to tell you one thing you don't have all the answers, you know, and my example today was, you know, my mom gets very anxious, especially in the hospital. You know, I feel bad. It's different in Virginia. If we were in Virginia I would be able to stay in the hospital with them.

Speaker 2: 5:22

But because we're here, visit hours is over eight, so I got a role but I feel horrible leaving her because I know the anxiety she has to go through being by herself, those machines beeping, not knowing anybody, even though I was very proud of my mom yesterday because my mom is like super, super strong, and I think that's where I get it from. You know, I get so upset when people tell me oh my God, you look so good to be sick and I'm like, would I rather just look sick and look horrible, so that people will understand they're like yo, I'm sick. But and it's not that I want pity, and it's not that I want you to feel sorry for me, it has nothing to do with those things. You don't have to say anything at all. But if you say anything, let that not be the thing. You say Okay, because it irritates me. It's like, don't diminish what I'm going through because you don't see the struggle.

Speaker 2: 6:13

You know I learned from my mom a long time ago to be strong. She's one of the strongest women I know. But this time my mom decided to take a different approach and she dropped all her walls and let all these doctors see her bear and told them all what was wrong with her and what she needed. And it was pretty dope to see. It was pretty dope to see my mom like not feel like she had to be strong. You know it was cool. It was cool my mom did Not have to be superwoman and to know it in that moment, to know like, hey, I need some assistance, you have the assistance that I need, help me. And it was the most beautiful thing I ever seen. You know it's it's sad.

Speaker 2: 6:57

As society, we put so much pressure on women and then if you're a strong woman and you get labeled a strong woman, I Don't know how the world sees you and then usually somehow you end up angry and a bitch, right? Isn't that crazy? Now, I'm just speaking from the outside. I'm not a strong woman, so I don't know what it means to be one, but I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. If I said anything wrong, I'm sorry you. Technically, this should have been a compliment, because my mom is such a strong person, so it's where I get my strength from.

Speaker 2: 7:32

But today she had a moment in the hospital and it was caused by anxiety and I'm trying to explain to the doctor. You know like hey, you guys stop giving her her anxiety medicine. This is what happens. Like she's having anxiety attack and the doctor looks at me and tells me, like no, she just had heart surgery yesterday. This is a heart related issue and I'm a doctor, I know what I'm talking about. Set the fuck up. He didn't say that, but it's basically what he said, so it's funny.

Speaker 2: 8:02

At the same time, my watch went off and it told me my heart rate was 139. And To me that was my point. Bro, you making me anxious right now. Like you, it's pissing me off, and actually it was a woman. But I'm still gonna say, bro, you Pissed me off to the point that my heart rate was 139. So if you're doing that to me and I'm sitting here didn't have heart surgery yesterday Don't tell me that my mom's emotions and her anxiety and what she's going through doesn't play a Factor into how she is Feeling physically and those physical symptoms her being sick. If you treat her anxiety as well as her heart, you're gonna have a better outcome. But if you keep just focusing on the heart, ignoring the fact that this is a woman who suffered from anxiety for more than 60 years, then we're not gonna get nowhere.

Speaker 2: 8:55

You know, luckily and I think this has to do a lot to with the doctor being young, she was open to what I had to say and she agreed and she said okay, we will get your mom back on all the medicines that she take on home at home. That was her promise to me. Whatever medicine your mom takes at home, that's where we're gonna give her. And to me it was like a big lesson in that, because Number one, the lesson was to speak up. You know and I learned that yesterday from my mom you know, it's not that I don't speak up. People know I speak up a little too much. Right, I need to shut the hell up sometimes, but it was that Sometimes you really have to speak up like you really have to be heard. I think that's where people get upset with me, because I'm one of those people.

Speaker 2: 9:40

I don't like confrontation, I don't like drama. I'd rather not deal with it and be far away from it as possible. So when it comes to arguments and those kind of things is like Debates, whatever you want to call them, it's like you got it. I don't want to argue about it. If that is your belief and that's how you believe, cool. But yesterday, seeing my mom tell the doctors like yo, I'm hurting. This is in pain, which my mom never does.

Speaker 2: 10:08

If people Know my mom, or know her or how she is when she goes to hospital, it's like she tries to suck it up because her objective is to get the fuck up out of here. Right, but not this time, even though she did look at me the other day and she's like bro, no more surgeries. Okay, you know, like I got you out, no more surgeries and hopefully after this one, god willing, she won't need anymore, you know, and she'll still be around. Like I said, I hold God to 120 years, as we said in the Bible. Yep, the only part of Bible drama quote, so leave me alone. Um, but no, it just.

Speaker 2: 10:43

It was something to see that fight in her that made me feel like, okay, I need to make sure that she's being heard. You know, because people see an elderly woman and she already has this mentality like, hey, I'm 70s, I'm years old, I'm she gonna kill me about LA Age, but people look at me like, oh you, halfway out the door so they don't want to treat me for real. So my mom has that mentality. She feels like no one wants to take care of her because she is old and the way they figured. Hey, she's gonna die anyway. So my objective this time was to make sure she was hurt.

Speaker 2: 11:18

Well, I guess it required me using my voice a little too much, but it worked, because people started to listen. They started to acknowledge the fact that, hey, this patient has a mental health issue that we need to consider when handling her treatments. And I think it was like the most important Thing they could have happened today that a doctor for once considered a person's Mental health conditions in treatment. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I mean, hey, I watched a good doctor and New Amsterdam and all those shows, but I haven't seen a real-life situation. I mean, this kind of has been an issue.

Speaker 2: 12:02

My mom has been in and out the hospital, probably last year with this heart issue, and it always comes down to the same thing. She ends up. A hospital stay causes a lot of anxiety. I tell people, hey, she has anxiety. They're like, hey, this is that the issue. She has a heart issue. Cool, whatever. Then I'm just gonna have to go and treat myself. Right, that's what I'm gonna do because I'm not gonna have my mom sitting here fucked up because you don't want to listen.

Speaker 2: 12:26

But this time the doctor listened and I guess my moral of the story is Speak up people. Speak up for the injustices around us. You know it doesn't have to be racially pro, like a racial issue. I was gonna say racially profiled, but I mean it doesn't have to deal deal with sex, race, religion. You know it could be something Simple as speaking up at work when someone is being treated wrong, or speaking up In a situation that's close home amongst family members, like, speak up when it's wrong, speak up when people are not seeing the whole picture. You know, talk like let's talk this shit out. You know it's crazy.

Speaker 2: 13:10

I don't know much about this tiktok fan or or what they're doing. But One thing I do know is that I learned a lot from tiktok, because I learned a lot of other people's perspectives. You know, I was one of those people that went around and I was like you know, I don't see color and I never understood why that bothered People of color so much. Now I am a person of color, doesn't matter how pale I am, I am a person of color. Okay, I'm just like to say that I'm Puerto Rican, because that makes up most of my DNA is the Puerto Rico, puerto Rican. You know, heritage is most of my makeup, but I have a little sprinkle of Europe in there and this is sprinkle of Africa and I'm made up a little bit of everything.

Speaker 2: 13:58

Now, of course, people see my pale skin and automatically, on the white boy, I'm cool, I don't have no problem being the white boy because Not to sound fucked up, but hey, if I could benefit from white privilege, why not? Because we know it exists. However, I don't go out there looking to benefit from white privilege. It's kind of something that happens. Why? Because people assume based off my skin. But To me, the best thing I felt like I can do for this world was to be the best version of myself always, but also give people the best version of myself, and that's outside of race, sex, religion, such orientation, like all those good things you know. So it's like, yeah, I don't know, just just speak up, people speak up.

Speaker 2: 14:49

My mom spoke up yesterday and it was kind of the most amazing thing to see it. Usually she'll take things, she'll take the pain, she'll take the suffering, you know, and yesterday she, she kind of spoke up and it was. It was sad to see her at that moment of weakness, but it was also Beautiful, because my mom is a person I look up to the most and she taught me that we all have weak moments. But what do you do? You go through them gracefully, and that's what she did and she went through it gracefully. She made her demands known, she told people how she felt and she told people she wasn't having, and she did it with a sense of class, that it was received the right way and people were willing to help.

Speaker 2: 15:34

Now, you know, today was a different story. Of course they changed nurses and doctors and all those kind of things, and you know, I go up there and I sit with my mom all day long in this hard-ass chair. But it's my mama's a dress. I won't do it. But damn, can we get some chairs? I mean, don't we donate something? Maybe we need to start a fun to get some chairs for family members or something. Anyway, get it off topic, right, um?

Speaker 2: 15:59

but, okay, my mom is okay, I'm moving from my mom. It was just a big lesson learned from her was to speak up, and I feel like I had to speak up for her today and if, if I didn't speak up, I don't think that she would have had her mental health considered. So, you know, it also goes to show me all the stigmas that are still existing around mental health. You know, when it comes to certain medical professions and doctors and those kind of things, because you know to To, my mom's cardiologist is like no, this is a heart issue, is strictly heart issue. Yada, yada, yada. I'm like hi, but if you give her her anti anxiety pill, you gonna see things are gonna change. I mean, I almost got to the point where it's like, fuck it. Yeah, I ain't got to give it to her. I got one with me. I brought him because I know how you act, I'm gonna give it to, but I didn't have to. The doctor gave it to her and they did see a difference and it was just really cool to hear the doctor say that that that I taught her something, that you know what patients, history or things that a family member has to say is Knowledge and it's good knowledge and it's part of the patient history and maybe it should be in taking into consideration. You know, it's like some of the best doctors or the doctors they get to know you, who you are, because everybody works differently, right? So just a big lesson lesson I learned this week. You know, it's like. You know, just speaking of my mom, did say something today. They really, really hurt me and she said I'm sorry you for putting you through so much and my mom is, or was, a little bit like ankle hearing and I think she's still like a little sleepy and drowsy from the anesthesia. But I know that she meant it and they kind of pissed me off because it's like you are my mom and you should never Feel like you put in me in any kind of situation and you should never feel bad about needing your son because you have been with me my whole life and have been the constant that's in my life and it's like you know I have a Really hard issue with God. Part of the issue is if you guys don't know and that means you don't listen to these fucking feelings podcast, brand new episodes every Wednesday had a slide in there, but it's because you guys don't know that.

Speaker 2: 18:19

I have been Traumatized from a very, very young age and know my parents didn't know about it and when they did find out about it they were all distraught and it kind of like ruined a lot of things for us. But, um, yeah, I went through a lot of Just a lot of trauma, just a lot and lots and lots and lots of Trauma. And and my mama has to she has stories. So I'm always trying to get on the podcast, right, because I'm like my, you need to tell your story or you need to write your book. So much drama too, and this experience now is a trauma. You know, she wanted me to spend the night with her and I had to leave her and it's the hardest thing to live my mom, especially because I'm always so full of guilt, right. So these are a lot of issues that I am working on. So I am a work in progress. I'm a mental health work in progress, but I believe in it. I found peace. If you guys haven't checked out these fucking feelings podcast, do so, because there are so many wonderful experts up there teaching you methods and giving you advice and showing you ways that you can combat these mental health issues that people don't want to admit or that they don't want to Say exist, kind of like the situation today. You know, it was like if I didn't push hard enough Would have my mom had been able to get her medicine, which did calm her and essentially helped. Now I Kind of have a feeling. My mom is awake right now.

Speaker 2: 19:51

It is Thursday night at 10 45 PM. I am about to go to sleep but I realized that, hey, with the craziness of my week I didn't get the record. An episode of trauma is expensive and I thought that there was a lot of valuable lessons in there. Number one, this plan and stuff. I just knew Friday was my remission. No, not my remission date. I'm sorry, my brain, my brain, is moving too fast. Guys. Excuse me, but I have been celebrating all week because I'm like Friday is my last day of chemo. You guys don't know how excited I am. I just want to be nauseous, no more. I just want to clean my room, like my room isn't bad, but I, especially now we're in chemo, and because I was working full-time and and I say was only because I am on vacation this week I'm working full-time and still doing the podcast when I could.

Speaker 2: 20:47

I'm, unfortunately, because of cancer, like a lot of our interviews got Rescheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled and I'm sorry for all the guests out there that had to be rescheduled. But Cancer kind of hit me hard in and it messed my brain up a little bit and I didn't know whether I was coming or going. But I knew that I wanted to continue doing this. I knew that this was important. I knew that we needed to get this word out. We needed to tell people to forget what people say, forget the stigmas, the words, forget that crazy bullshit that people like to pull against you when you have mental health issues. I feel like we all have them. I feel like we all should be treated for them and I feel like there is a method for everybody. You know my mom uses medication. It works for her. Therapy doesn't work for her, but she tried and she's done the work and she tried to do and figure out what works for her. And you know, after 60 years Since her search, you know now she has a therapist and she uses pills. But you know we're just trying to get mom 220. We got just trying to get mom 220.

Speaker 2: 21:58

I wanted to bring up something else. I was sitting on this critical care unit and and there it, and like in the middle of my day or just throughout the day, there were three people that had to be intubated and it was the most horrible thing to hear. And I say that to say like here lies my relationship with God. I don't understand. I mean, people could tell me so they blew in the face, we brought something to the world. You know God doesn't do bad things, yadda, yadda, yadda. But as a person whose first memory is of being sexually molested, there's really not a Lot that anybody can tell me about God's grace or his protection, because I feel like I never had it. Now.

Speaker 2: 22:49

There have been times in my life where I feel like I have seen God or presence of God, but then I'm such a skeptic and I talk myself out of it, and you know it's. It is really hard. My mom is a faithful woman, thank God, because she knows she's coming through this by the strength of Jesus, by the blood of Jesus, and she is good with that and I'm good with that for her. You know, I feel like I could still go through my journey. I'm actively searching. You know, it's like I want to know what's real.

Speaker 2: 23:19

I can't believe in a God that allows me to go through so much suffering, especially when I learned how to find peace peace in myself, peace in my environment. You know how to have a happy day and smile and be good and Not stress, sleep like I've had all those things and I have to feel like my creator Put me on this earth to have those things. Is there good and bad? Of course, should some people be locked up and throw away the key? Of course, but not without realizing that Something is wrong. Something needs to be fixed, and it can be fixed like you can be healing now. Healing is a lifelong journey. I've endured a lot, and I say endured because there's some things that I never survived. There's some things that still affect me to this day.

Speaker 2: 24:09

Hence going back to early in a conversation when I said, hey, I'll probably be single the rest of my life, because who wants to deal with a screwball like me? Right, because I know that. You know I Swear to I'm looking for like I'm. Would someone touch me without giving me notice? I was trying to say it another way, but that's gonna like trigger something in me. You know some reason, their voice, someone making a close Quick move. Someone you know jumping out trying to scare me. You know, like all those things are are triggering. Sleeping in the bed with somebody else like I don't want to share my bed I was like, yeah, so it's crazy. Yeah, I'm a gay man who don't like men, and that's another issue too. But I will Wanted to go back to my God conversation, right, you guys know if you listen to these fucking feelings podcast that I get distracted real quick.

Speaker 2: 25:05

But going back to my religion conversation, I think today might have been the first time that I really prayed. Like I kind of made a conscious effort to pray, and it wasn't so much that, oh, my belief in God has changed. It was more of how can it hurt? How can it hurt for me to say this prayer, right, if God is up there, then he hears it, and if God doesn't exist, then I just manifested some really positive energy, because all I wanted for that floor was healing. It was so much sadness and bitterness and crying and then there was a lot of regret and people feeling like this, things they never got to say and like all those things were really, really sad and they were just going on around me and I'm like if one more person gets intubated, I am taking me and my mama, we taking hauling ass because it's like scary. I did witness someone getting extubated today and they actually woke up and when I left they were doing fine and so that was kind of some good news today, right so.

Speaker 2: 26:15

But I guess my moral of the story is a lot, you know. Number one is you know, speak up. Speak up when you see those injustice, when you see those people not listening, especially when it comes to our elders. You know, I don't understand how people out here in the street beating up old people Like they've been here forever, respect their age, respect their gangster. You know, a person is living right now in 2024. And they made it to their sixties. That is an accomplishment and we need to celebrate that shit, because people are dropping left and right and I, you know, I pray that my mom is okay.

Speaker 2: 26:55

I do have those thoughts like what if everything goes wrong, especially being on a four and seeing three people being insubated today, but that's because I always assume the worst is just who I am. I always am prepared for the other shooter drop right. Kind of having my whole life, my whole whole life, shoe drops. Look at it. It's like simple things to. It's just, it's just crazy. But let's speak up. Let's speak up, let's make our voices known. Speak up for whatever it is you believe in.

Speaker 2: 27:28

But with that, know that not everybody has your belief and not everybody understands your belief, and I'm probably one of those people. So don't come to me, think I'm gonna know what you talk about and think I'm not gonna up, just gonna follow you blindly, like no, I need content, right, I'm always willing to be educated. Educate, michael bravery, do it. You know, I don't know that you go buy they, them until you tell me. So you catch an attitude, because I assumed that you were a gender. It's a waste of product, it's a waste of time, like it's not productive. You know what I'm saying. You know I'm saying this day them is new. I'm in my 40s, I'm not too old to learn like I am one of them. Old dogs, but I'm kind of old dog. I was watching the game with everybody. You ever watched the game before with Tasha Mack? I actually think you guys are still watching such a hilarious show. But I listened to some of the jokes and I'm like how did this show go Not get canceled right, because now everything they say will be offensive and sorry, there go like rambling and stuff again.

Speaker 2: 28:44

I just kind of wanted to record this because I wanted to pay tribute to my mother. I also wanted to pay tribute to very, very, very strong women. You don't even need that varies, just if you're strong. Most women are strong, you know. You know we do have some weak-willed women in this world and you know, unfortunate to say, I do know some and not just women, man, I'm talking about women now, because my mom is a woman of color and naturally, as a woman of color, she has to be strong, she must be strong. It's just how it is.

Speaker 2: 29:20

And I think it's unfair to say, you know, white women get to be vulnerable all the time. You know, when a white woman is vulnerable, it's sexy. When a woman of color is vulnerable, you know she's a bitch or she's insecure or you know and this is based off of my own experience and, like I said, not bringing race into it in a racist kind of way, I'm bringing race into it in facts. You know, these are facts that I've learned and I witnessed. I've seen. I just seen what color barriers can do. I just seen what racial barriers can do with sexuality barriers can do, and I just say that we need to speak up, ask questions, understand why and live our life.

Speaker 2: 30:09

You know, this is a situation that's going to take a little time for my mom to recover. I got one more week of chemo, so next Friday is my last day, so I'm going to go through partying again, celebrating, you know. Hey, it's still getting closer to the end 90 days straight of chemo appointments. It was pretty crazy. Like I said, we did it really aggressively. I will keep you guys posted on that. Always make sure you tune into these fucking feelings podcast. They're brand new episodes every Wednesday. We're on all podcast platforms and YouTube.

Speaker 2: 30:42

Trauma is expensive. Supposed to drop new episodes every Monday. Today is going to be a Friday but, like I said, I just got home. I recorded this, so make sure it airs tomorrow, because it was pretty dope to see my outburst received the way it was supposed to be received and that was the doctor thinking or knowing that what I said was true and that she needed to take the time to get to know her patient, because if she didn't and she started just treating symptoms that she was taught, then things could have been a lot worse for my mom, you know, if they would have gave her medicine to stabilize her heart or to drop her blood pressure, drop her heart or those kind of things. It would affect her because really things are coming from anxiety. So now you're just going to drop her heart rate a lot worse or just whatever it is. I'm not a medical professional, I'm just a professional patient.

Speaker 2: 31:44

Okay, so, with that said, I know this is a bunch of rambling, but just some things I wanted to get off my chest. I really really love you guys. I hope that you're out there. Healing, I mean, the cost of trauma is so expensive, trust me.

Speaker 2: 32:00

I know I am in my 40s, single, not dating. I don't have a lot of friends and I'm not saying none of this for pity or oh, what was me? I'm actually cool living this life, but that's what bothers me sometimes, the fact that I'm okay living this life. You know I kind of. This is hard to say, but I close myself off from the world. It's like I don't want to be a part of this world. It's so tainted. But as long as I'm here, I'm going to continue to try to make my impact. I probably ain't going to wear an old time's room. So hopefully you guys are listening and you're gringling me on this, and, even though I am all over the place, I mean it's all real, it's all from the heart and it's all because I want to erase these stigmas around mental health, and it's like trauma is real. The expense of unresolved trauma is real when I talk about money even though we can be, but think about relationships, think about unhad relationships in my case. Don't think about all those people I could be friends with, but I avoid just because I have that shield of protection, because people close to me decided they wanted to take advantage of me.

Speaker 2: 33:20

My whole life I learned to speak up. Today, you know, my mom taught me to speak up, and, and when her doctor came in that room and started with that bullshit, no, I spoke up, and it felt really really good, really really good. Like I'm saying, I mean I have a podcast. I don't have no issues talking. I don't have no issues answering questions. I don't have any issues asking questions.

Speaker 2: 33:50

I guess, though, that maybe I have issues standing up sometimes. Sometimes I might have issues standing up, but mostly it's because I feel like it's not my business, and I think that's what people don't understand about me. It's like, you know, reparations is a big topic and it's always big around me for some reason, and I don't have a thought on reparations because it's I feel like it's not my concern. I feel like reparations is between black Americans and the government. You know, it's like, yeah, I need to talk to each other, yeah, I need to work that out, you know, but because I feel that way, I guess I never felt the need to fight for it, you know, and I'm still not.

Speaker 2: 34:36

I'm just gonna be honest. I mean, I started to realize that my fight in this lifetime is gonna be the war against the stigmas of mental health. The men can't cry. The men can't have feelings. Men supposed to be strong, men can have weak moments. No, fuck all that, all that shit I said men you can have. If you identify as a man, you can have, you can have those weak moments. I mean, there are support groups. It's pretty cool to see you know different people, especially males, on Instagram and TikTok supporting mental health, advocating for mental health. Our women always kind of get it together before we do. I think women have been advocating for mental health a little longer than we have. But you know, let's just get it together, y'all.

Speaker 2: 35:23

I'm gonna shut up now and hope that you did listen to this whole rant. My moral is be heard. Make sure that people know what you want, what you don't want, what you like, what you don't like, how you feel disrespectful, how you feel in a moment, how you feel when they do things. I feel like, as long as you put that on the table, things should be good, things should be good. Now you're not gonna have, you're gonna have people that aren't always gonna respect what you have to say. As a given rating. There's dummies in the world. I'm one of those dummies, you know. I think about Rebecca, my co-host. She didn't like when I picked on her, but to me, bantering is just so much fun, so I bantered and I bantered and I bantered and, you know, probably drove her crazy and now we're back in my kind of at odds, but it's because of a lot of reasons that I don't want to share now. But and I will share with her eventually I'm just trying to get my bearings together. So, yeah, I'm just posting this today because I don't know, feel like you need to hear, but we will get back to resuming our normal recording. I Thank you guys so much for listening and thank you for tuning in.

Speaker 2: 36:40

Thank you for the love trauma, as expensive, has received. I'm gonna continue to have dropping guests here and there to have these conversations about mental health because I don't have all the answers. I am an advocate. I get to tell you from my experience what I learned and the peace that I found. I wish that for you. Thank you so much for listening. You guys have a blessed day. Continue to count that cost so we can make that change. Trauma is expensive. This is Michael bravery and I'm out.

Speaker 1: 37:12

And that brings us to the end of yet another insightful episode of trauma is expensive. I'm signing off on behalf of your host, micah bravery, reminding all you brave souls to continue counting the cost and making the change. Don't forget to visit wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, a dynamic space for understanding, healing and transformation, where we fuel the journey to turn pain into progress. Until we meet again, stay resilient, stay empowered and remember the mantra count the cost and make the change. Thank you for being part of the conversation. We bid you farewell. Until next time.