Growing up with the weight of financial struggles is a burden many carry into adulthood, shaping how we view the world and ourselves. Crystal and I, Micah Bravery, wade through the murky waters of trauma, dismantling the all-too-common belief that one's pain is less significant because someone else might have it 'worse'.
This episode is an emotional journey that examines the deep-seated impact of childhood poverty, the scars left by bullying, and the continuous battle against societal expectations. We share stories of tight, worn-out clothes that became symbols of shame, and how these seemingly small instances of ridicule can lead to profound changes in behavior and self-perception. These experiences matter, and we make a heartfelt case for validating every person's personal worst, without the need for comparison or belittlement.
As we close, the conversation turns toward the significance of having support systems in place and the power they hold in the healing process. Dealing with bullying, the pressures of the digital world, and the importance of nurturing peace in one's spirit are topics we explore, offering solace and camaraderie in these shared struggles. We leave you with a message of resilience, inviting you to continue the conversation and seek the resources needed for your transformative journey. Join us for an episode that promises to be as enriching as it is heartfelt.
Growing up with the weight of financial struggles is a burden many carry into adulthood, shaping how we view the world and ourselves. Crystal and I, Micah Bravery, wade through the murky waters of trauma, dismantling the all-too-common belief that one's pain is less significant because someone else might have it 'worse'.
This episode is an emotional journey that examines the deep-seated impact of childhood poverty, the scars left by bullying, and the continuous battle against societal expectations. We share stories of tight, worn-out clothes that became symbols of shame, and how these seemingly small instances of ridicule can lead to profound changes in behavior and self-perception. These experiences matter, and we make a heartfelt case for validating every person's personal worst, without the need for comparison or belittlement.
As we close, the conversation turns toward the significance of having support systems in place and the power they hold in the healing process. Dealing with bullying, the pressures of the digital world, and the importance of nurturing peace in one's spirit are topics we explore, offering solace and camaraderie in these shared struggles. We leave you with a message of resilience, inviting you to continue the conversation and seek the resources needed for your transformative journey. Join us for an episode that promises to be as enriching as it is heartfelt.
Hello there, brave souls, welcome to Trauma is Expensive, with your host, micah Bravery. Here we don't just talk about trauma, we count the cost and we make the change. With every episode, we dive deep into the heart of trauma, its implications and the resilient transformations it can ignite, through conversations, insights, real stories and unflinching honesty. This podcast is here to empower every survivor to turn their pain into progress. So let's take a journey together as we understand, confront and finally heal. Welcome to wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, your platform for change. Now let's get started.
Speaker 2:What is up people? Welcome to another episode of Trauma is Expensive. I am your host, micah Bravery, and I pulled in my producer, crystal, for this one. Hello, I'm like you could be human and move a little bit right. She's just like, she's just mad stuck right there. So, of course, this is our fourth episode now and this series has been doing really, really well.
Speaker 2:The thing that kind of bothers me, and why I bought Crystal and all this, is because I don't know where the fuck we're going with this right. So I had like perfectly planned out a 50 episode season and broke it down into like what each episode is supposed to be in, how it's supposed to work, yada, yada, yada. But then that means you have to make scripts, and my dyslexic ass is not reading no script. I feel like I don't like how it was too scripted. Mental health isn't scripted. Healing is not scripted.
Speaker 2:There's no way that we can read a book. I mean, I hate to say that because I believe that books do give you insight into things, but a book ain't gonna heal you completely. It's the work that you do. So, yeah, you can learn methods, but it's nothing about a script that's gonna teach you anything. So I don't want it to be scripted, but then we end up with another podcast where all I do is talk and I know y'all love hearing me talk, right? Yeah, so, but I bought Crystal in today because I wanted to talk about this topic and it kind of irks me really, really bad. It irks me, it ticks me off, damn it, and that is the phrase. There is somebody out there that has it worse than you. How many times have you probably heard that in your life?
Speaker 3:A lot, probably more than I can imagine.
Speaker 2:Right. Me too it's like it's I don't know. To me. I feel like it's the most inconsiderate thing we can say to each other is that there's somebody out there that has it worse. And I always give probably a crazy example. But I had, or now I'm still in the midst of a fight with cancer, and I've been fighting cancer for 15 years, so it's been a really long fight. And Crystal let's just say I'm using example and this is not her worst pain, but let's say she got a paper cut today. Did you get a paper cut today, really?
Speaker 3:No, but I got cut.
Speaker 2:Oh, how did you get cut Anyway? So to me, the pain that she witnesses from that paper cut, if it's the worst pain that she ever felt, equals to my worst in cancer. Why? Because it's her worst. She doesn't know anymore. You know that's as bad as it is and we shouldn't be comparing apples to apples oranges. You know it's like it shouldn't be a comparison. Your trauma, your bad times, your hurt, your pain it's yours Exactly.
Speaker 2:It's not ours, it's not everybody's. I don't give a damn what you're going through. Personally, I don't mean to say it like that, but don't come to me with the. There's always someone out there that has it worse. Right, because fuck them. And I say that with the most respect I can say because all you do when you tell people that is, you diminish what they go through. You know it's kind of like in psychology they have the big T, little T, big trauma, little trauma. Trauma is trauma.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know, there is no way to sit there and put anybody's trauma into a category. Why do we have to put things in a category? I feel like that's kind of why the world is so messed up now because of all these different ways we have to divide ourselves from other, from each other. That's what I meant to say. I'm getting so it's like to sit there and say somebody has your words, you don't know my feeling, you don't know how I'm feeling because of this paper cut, especially if this is the worst pain in my life. I mean, I've known people that the worst pain in their life was a two fake and that's a bad pain, you know. So I know that some of my cancer treatments was not as bad as no two fake. So am I going to sit here and say, hey, you're not in pain, I got cancer?
Speaker 3:Right. I mean. That's why the other day I said I don't know what you're going through, but I don't want you to feel like you're alone is because, personally, what you're going through and what I see and other people go through is totally different. Their pain was different than yours. Even though it's cancer Right, it's still. You guys went through two different things.
Speaker 2:I know, because there's like a million different forms of cancer out there and there's a million forms. You know, I always think about the word love. Love has over a million definitions. You can love the way someone talks, you can be in love, you can fall in love, you can fall out of love. You know, but to me that's the same thing for trauma. You know, somebody had gave an example on these fucking feelings podcast brand new episode every Wednesday but someone had made a comment about a child sitting in his dirty pampered too long. That could cause trauma. Do you hear that A child who sat in a dirty diaper for too long can cause trauma?
Speaker 3:I mean that could cause, you know, always needed to be clean.
Speaker 2:It can give PTSD oh oh, oh, cd, kind of CD. Even PTSD, I mean still a traumatic experience, right yeah.
Speaker 3:Thank you, or a clean freak because you sat in that diaper.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a cousin who has like no skin on his hands because he washes his hands like a hundred times a day. Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, and to me it's we all live our life, you know. It's kind of like the whole you born by yourself, you die by yourself, kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? It's like we are here on this world alone. Now we choose to let people in or choose not to let people in, doesn't matter. But what happens during my lifetime is my life. So stop comparing my stuff to your stuff or to somebody else's stuff because you think they have it worse off than me, because you don't know. Number one, what I've been through in my whole life Maybe that's my fucking paper cut is just my breaking point, and now I feel like I want to end my life. And now you're sitting here being trivial and saying someone has it worse. That shit ain't gonna make me feel better.
Speaker 3:Right, that shit's gonna hurt yeah.
Speaker 2:You know I always tell people it's funny because I was thinking about my mom and I were talking. Of course I always bring my mom up, right. But and it wasn't even that we were talking. But basically for the holidays we'd be in a lot of company, which of course, when company comes, you know you got to clean up. That means I had to clean my room. My room is not messy, but my closet has shoes, jackets and coats everywhere. So, like in my closet I have an ironing board and my ironing board houses. All my jackets and coats and sweaters and hoodies, and then shoes are just wherever they can fit. If there's a corner, wherever I kick them off into. That is where the ass go. Until the next time I decided where I'm.
Speaker 2:Well, of course I was like I was giving up my bedroom to my brother and his wife because I wanted to be a good host, and it's the master suite and their marriage. It's so cool. I'll take the guest room. You guys can have my room. But I thought about this shit. My brother knows he is hell. So you notice, motherfucker, go open the closet. So I'm like, damn, let me go and clean this bitch out. So I go and I start cleaning the closet out and one thing I started to realize is I have an abundance of shoes and clothes and this is just after getting rid of like the tallest trash bag of clothes. Like I just went through my closet and I was like get rid of some of this shit. The trash bag was huge, Probably was as tall as me. I just got rid of that. And I'm looking at my closet and I'm like what the fuck? I count over a hundred different shoeboxes. Wow, and that's shit crazy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I own like two pairs.
Speaker 2:Right, right, so you know, I started to think. So now I started to think, and then another thing that I figured out is I don't like two pair of the same jeans, but it's multiple jeans. I guess I just like the jeans so much I bought them again.
Speaker 3:So I was like well, stop, like you know, stop selling them.
Speaker 2:But one thing, though, that I do give myself is I'm not a hoarder, okay, so get that shit out your mouth, but I do use everything I buy. So everything I buys gets used, even if it's just once, but I do use it. You know, I do wear it, I do use it. So I'll make excuses for myself, basically what I'm doing. So I started to think about it and I'm like okay, this is something to be visited, you know. Yeah, like why do I have so much?
Speaker 2:And it ends up to this story we grew up really, really poor, like really, really poor. So my mom works like an overnight job and my dad worked a day job, and so, collectively, we made too much money for any kind of assistance federal government assistance, whatever you call. We didn't get Medicaid through Sam's and that stuff. But we also didn't make enough money to have health insurance, dental insurance and those things either. So it's like we don't even eat any wish sandwiches, like my parents used to buy like a 50 pound bag of potatoes and, no joke, we ate potatoes like every day.
Speaker 2:Now, you know, even though that might sound like fucked up memories, we kind of made it fun and my family's made it fun. We used to like have competitions so who can cut up the french fries the thinnest, who can make the thinnest french fries, you know? So we kind of like my parents had ways to make sure that we knew we were loved. So not talking about my parents, but the reality is we grew up poor. So that means every year when it came to school, because I didn't grow, I always had the same school clothes. So this particular year I grew in height, but not so much in weight or in size, like a slight amount. You know, it's like things still fit me, but now they're high waters and they tight.
Speaker 3:Right, you know what I'm saying. I'm like in a size eight. But Okay really.
Speaker 2:I'm in a size six because that's what I had last year, and then my brothers grew bigger than me. They were always growing bigger to me, so they always needed brand new stuff, so I kind of that wasn't one that got sacrificed because, hey, you can fit into these jeans that you have. They're good type of thing. But one day I'm walking to the bus stop and my mom, like she, used to get off work when we were going to school, right? So she's getting out of the car and her and our next door neighbor because they work together and she just looks at me and she says why are your pants so tight? That reaction is what I got from everybody at the bus station Me and kids was lengthening and oh, it's on. Mom Talk about how tight his pants are, and yada, yada, yada, but it turned into bullying. I got bullied because now I'm a faggot and I'm a sissy because I wear tight pants. So, and the thing about it, though, is that this was fueled by my own mom.
Speaker 3:I think that's because, as a mom like you, get so busy as you are going to work, you're doing all that stuff, so she probably didn't realize it.
Speaker 2:Right. So then, when she's seeing you and she realized it not even knowing that, and see, I knew, and I know that there wasn't any malice, like it wasn't malicious, she wasn't trying to hurt me, but it's kind of like you said. It's in that one moment of clarity the thing that she realized.
Speaker 3:Everybody heard.
Speaker 2:Was that my pants was tight as a bitch. They was tight and they was high. So I was wearing high order and they was tight as hell.
Speaker 3:You can see like Now everybody wears tight pants.
Speaker 2:And not everybody wears that. I started that trend Okay, give me my credit, okay, but no, really. So, you know, and it lasted a really long time and the jokes went from me, you know, wearing tight clothes, and now I'm the sissy, I'm the faggot, I'm the punk and you know, it was just a lot of dark energy. And I think and not that I think, I know I told myself once I was able to start working, I would never be talked about how I dressed again, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That as soon as I'm able to start making my own money and buying my own things. No, one ever talk about me and they don't, because I dry my ass off now.
Speaker 2:Right. But my point to all of this is that that moment caused the cancer, but it did cause the cancer. It caused the cancer in me to grow, with this insecurity that I always had to have the best, I have to look the best, I have to be the best, especially in appearance. Wise, right, you know. So I was known as the mother of God. Like, oh Michael, just his ass off, you know.
Speaker 3:That one little thing that flips.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Now same thing Legit yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's trauma it is. It caused a traumatic experience, it caused me to go through a traumatic experience. Now, was it meant for that? No, but it doesn't matter how it was meant. It's how it was perceived, how I took it, and that caused me to live Even now to this day. You know, I got to have the latest phone and the latest technology. The only difference is I'm going to go ahead and put this out there I can't afford when I'm buying.
Speaker 2:Okay, because, though, when I was younger like I don't have some like turned off moments I ain't had no heat, I ain't had no gas, but I had that Gucci belt Money, you know what I'm saying. I had the little flash shirt. Like I was good in the dark man, like I was cool, I was living. I did grow out that phase and I realized, okay, pay your bills, because nice lights are nice, you know. So all my bills are paid.
Speaker 2:But I do sometimes overindulge and buying things. And it isn't an incident now that you know I've kind of always had this. You know, like my people knows why the fuck you always spending money, why you buying that? You don't need that, like I've heard that for a whole life, like I'm Puerto Rican, so hello, okay, I got some aunties out there to be like we. I can get you a whole thing of silverware. Let's go trash hunting. And we have to go through trash. Just say yo, for real, like my grandmother used to like sofas and cabinets and everything, everything, yeah, for a living Right. But she just did it because she like she not paying for that shit. It is good, right here. Do you see this chest? Let's call Gloria and see if she need a chest. And now I got to carry this.
Speaker 3:I have two lamps that you know I could probably throw them in the trash, but I'm like let's see who wants. I don't want to throw them away because I'm like the opposite, like every dollar I spend is like meaningful.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Like I'm taken away from something to buy this thing. So, like for these lamps, I worked hard for them.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So I don't mind giving them away, but like something has come, I can't just throw it in the trash.
Speaker 2:I know, I mean you are pretty, you very mature with your money and you always calculate things and you know that I got to pay this and I got to do this, and I know Crystal got 18 kids. So no, just so be God, she only got four and a grand baby. But so you are very like, you know, and Rebecca too I think Rebecca is, I kind of say that but then her husband managed to some money, so Right. So so the big now shout out to Rebecca we miss you, girl. She actually moved to Florida and she isn't gone completely from the team, but she's in transition right now. So we love you and our wishes are with you. So anyway. But so me, I mean back at that time. You know I was dressing and I wasn't paying no bills, girl nine, you know how many times I almost was evicted. I was like it's funny, because it's a truth, because I'm like I need these $800 boots.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but just think about it, though to come back to trauma is expensive.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:By her, your mom, saying that caused you trauma and then you had to buy all these nice things, right, of course, it cost me a lot.
Speaker 2:But you got to think about. It is like lights or not even that say the eviction notice. Because yes, I even got eviction notices Right, like it's. Like now I'm stressed to fuck out, because now I got to figure out a way to get this money Right so that I don't get that time Right, so I don't get evicted. So now I'm over here with my little dangerous mind. You know, coolio, yeah, hi, I'm learning, and I'm out here about to go around somebody. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I would never rob anybody.
Speaker 3:But right.
Speaker 2:But no, but there are people that do that. There are people that will go out there and be like yo, I'll go take all this shit. You know what I'm saying. So, and I have been robbed at gunpoint one time, so I say it jokingly, but I know the trauma behind it. Okay, I'm just healing from mine so I can laugh at my trauma. We talk about me. I just want to put that disclaimer out there. But to go kind of go back to the conversation. To most people they wouldn't see that as trauma.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:They wouldn't see. Oh you don't. You don't buy all this shit because of trauma. You don't do all this shit because of trauma.
Speaker 3:You know they didn't go through, they didn't go through Right.
Speaker 2:And now I'm not comparing that to a person who's in stage four cancer, about to die in three days.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, no-transcript in society eyes is the same, but I'm saying in my eyes as an individual, I don't know what that pain is like, but I know what the pain is like. That tells me damn, don't, jeans is tight. And now I'm getting bullied and beat up and all these things because my own mom made a comment against me and that caused extreme trauma for me. I went through a lot of like I said, bullying and being beat up and then I kind of went through. You know we talk about a lot on these fucking feelings podcast, but I was sexually assaulted a lot and you know I was born feminine. I'm just a feminine guy. Like I came out the womb like wham. Right, my mom said I didn't kick her, I used to be like, but you know it was like after that I didn't have a chance. I didn't stand the chance because my mom gave everybody the fuel in mind.
Speaker 2:You end up watching this episode. I love you. I don't know if we ever had this conversation, because this is something I'm just realizing recently. Right, you know, it was like just last month. I'm out here cleaning up my closet because my brother and I were coming in. This is the shit I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:I'm like, damn, where did this start? Because that was the big thing to me. I wanted to find an essence. I looked at my closet and I started to realize this is a problem. Okay, it's mostly a problem because I don't like cleaning it up, but so it really really where the problem is. I do not like cleaning it up. I got to match the shoes and match them to the box and put them back in the box. No, you will grab a Jordan's box and there'd be some Timbs in there. I don't think you grab in the box. As long as they fit, that's what box they go into. But I started to realize that it was a problem and I have been getting annoyed at so. I follow somebody on Instagram and they're a very inspirational person, but the way he always opens his statements is you know, appreciate life. You have to know that there's somebody out there that's going through it worse than you. And I'm like, when we're living in a society that we're trying to bring awareness to mental health, let's erase that stigma.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, no, there is nobody out there. That is worse than your worst.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Because your worst is all you know, mm-hmm. And if I'm not supposed to compare when it comes to good shit, don't ask me to compare when it comes to bad shit.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You know what they tell you oh damn, they got a nice card. They worry about what kind of card they got. So, in the same way, I don't gotta worry about what nice shit they got, I ain't gotta worry about the ugly shit they got either. You know it's wrong with some ugly shit. I don't know where y'all can be.
Speaker 2:In Crystal, we kind of we're healing together, crystal and I. We have both been through some traumatic experiences from childhood and we're healing together and we do it through laughter. You know so, but this is healing. This is what healing looks like, when you can sit here and laugh at your pain. That shit now doesn't have no control over you. Yeah, because you laughing at it, so you regain that control, not saying that you need to be out there laughing about shit. There are horrible things that happen in this life to people. There are horrible things that happen to me, horrible things that happen to Crystal, even horrible things that happen to my mom. There's no handbook for a correct way of living life, right, you know. But we keep making these stupid ass rules that we want people to follow.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You know. Yes, there are people out there that's hungry. Yes, there are people out there in pain, but it's theirs.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:I don't have to not acknowledge minds to acknowledge theirs, because it's two different things and I always think, when it comes down to it, the emotional reaction that we have to things are the same. If that experience I went through was the most traumatic experience of my life and I started shutting down, hiding myself in the room, always in the dark, didn't want to be around nobody. Isn't that what a person does when they get raped?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Shut down hiding themselves. Like you said, though, that's even you know to sit in a dirty diaper the person can be doing the same thing as somebody that Right and I guess everybody has their own way of dealing with things. Right, definitely, but to?
Speaker 2:me the initial emotion, right, I feel like it's everybody kind of hadn't I hate to say everybody, because I know there's exceptions to every rule.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but majority of us they're their own way and it's the same as it could be Right, but not small, but as a paper cut.
Speaker 2:Right, because that's the worst a person knows, right? You know I go through this big thing about my father. You know I feel really horrible sometimes because I don't mourn him the way that I should. But then I realized the reason I don't is because he was always the best version of himself to me when he could be. You know it wasn't perfect, but it was the best that he can give me at the time.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You know and I know that in my life I've heard a lot of people and I've done a lot of wrong.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:But it was the best that I can give at that time because I'm still healing from a million traumatic experiences that happened to me. Crystal's still dealing with a million traumatic experiences that happened to her, but we're working on it and we're growing, and the one thing that neither one of us want to hear is that there's somebody out there that got it worse, because, baby, you don't know how bad I got it.
Speaker 3:I had somebody say to me I was really stressed out with my 18 kids and I didn't want to really not be bothered but have a conversation that to me wasn't as important as what was going through my head. And they said and I said I'm really busy and they said everybody is busy and it's your busy is different than my busy, like, and I tried to do it as like my kids are like up here and like you're down here right now. You know, let me do this and then I'll deal with my situation. Right, but just as you know, everybody is busy, everybody's going through the same stuff, like basically they were saying like everybody's dealing with the same stuff, like handbills and stuff like that. But as it was is, we're different people.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 3:Like you could probably handle it better than me.
Speaker 2:And not even that is easy for me to pay bills. And it's just me. Then you pay bills before children, right? No, even though some of them are grown and Crystal was a great mom, a kid's awesome, but is a great mom she's still our mom. But you know, it's kind of like that, like it's real easy for me to look at you and say, oh well, I got to pay bills too, when my bill coming is $2.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And your bill coming is $800.
Speaker 3:If it was $2, some I mean some people would find like see, I'm like. The Nymal bill, of course, is mine as higher than definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was definitely hard, Am I definitely?
Speaker 3:she's talking about electricity anyway, Just it's sort of the same thing as he. They were saying Everybody is dealing with the same situation. Like why are you, why are you like not wanting to deal with us talking right now? No, I need to deal with all that.
Speaker 2:Because there's a hierarchy in life, you know there are things in order and my family comes first and everybody else comes last. You know, I kind of dealt with it last week with my mom in the hospital Because I still worked, because there was really nobody that can cover us For kind of going through a transition at work as well. But I shouldn't have worked. My mom was in the hospital, this shit's like. She was over there delirious and had me sitting there thinking a little bit like Ma, are you about to go to Glory Cause? I need to know Because it was scary, because she's saying things that just didn't make sense.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, but they still wanted me. Not one time that someone be like oh you should be off other than you.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Or I'm sorry for calling and asking this, or let me see if Crystal knows. No, everybody contacted me, business as usual. Now it's cool, I decided to work, right, and that's what you guys are saying. It was your choice to work. You're right, it was. But my thing is it's kind of like what people are telling you is like oh, we all had to deal with shit. Kind of get over it.
Speaker 3:Right, and I mean somebody actually made a comment as the people that are alike that don't know what really family is about, right, which is sad that everybody never felt that love, as you know from their parents, and but you know, even those negative responses are trauma responses. Right.
Speaker 2:You know, and it's like you said, because they didn't grow up with love in the household, you know, or they didn't grow up with parents who loved them, or siblings or parents who they loved, right, you know. So now that they see it in me, you know, it's like the envy and the jealousy sometimes creep up and it causes people to say crazy things, right, but that's still trauma they have to get over. It's like I accept it because I know, hey, you're not on your healing journey. Yeah, you know. But if we want people to start to heal, stop giving them some bullshit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And one thing is that whole somebody out there has it worse.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It hurts me so bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I'm like.
Speaker 3:It's the same thing. It's trauma is trauma.
Speaker 2:Trauma is trauma.
Speaker 3:There's no label on it.
Speaker 2:Right and we all just need to heal from it, and I feel like that's the reason why people don't accept their trauma. Also, I also feel like that's a big reason why people don't admit to their trauma Right, because they were always told someone out there has it worse. Yeah, someone out there been through worse. At least you got a roof over your head. At least you got a job. That don't mean shit. I could have a job and be struggling my ass off.
Speaker 3:Definitely.
Speaker 2:Because I live that way. Yeah, most society lists paycheck to paycheck, you know, or paycheck to every other paycheck.
Speaker 3:It's like there's no way this could be life, like we were working on this earth. There's no way. To be this To be so stressed out about paying bills, getting up to go to work, and there's no way this is what it was.
Speaker 2:Girl. Look, that's a conversation. We're going to have to leave for another day. You bought us out. We ain't going there because, you know me, I have to say things too.
Speaker 2:I would tell you a brief story about that, though. Except my mom, I was letting people know. My mom was in the hospital and my niece, she's 17. And Sarah shout out Sarah. And it was funny because we were talking about praying or whatever. And I was like, ok, yeah, pray for her. You know what I'm saying. And she's basically like Theo, you need to pray for her too. So my comment was just I'm still confused where it comes to religion or spirituality or what I believe in, right? So I'm still confused. So I'm going to let you do that, because you know where you stand. So I'm going to take it. I'm going to take the prayer you give because you stand on your ground or whatever. So she kind of went solid for probably about 10 minutes, and then I get a text back and it says is there anything that you want to know that I can help you with about God? And I was like she's 17.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That should be everybody's response. Is there anything that I can help you with on this paper cut? No, no, seriously, no, of course he's not supposed to laugh. Ok, laugh, because you was laughing, but no, ok, but seriously, seriously. And the paper cut thing is probably a bad example. It's just the first thing I could think of. No, not paper cut, but paper cut hurt. It does hurt. Paper cuts do hurt. You'll be like what the fuck? We're in an emergency room, but OK, let's change our vocabulary.
Speaker 3:OK, look, you guys like paper cut to paper cut Right right?
Speaker 2:No, no, because we're different than your paper cut, because now we're doing apples to apples and we don't live in an apples apple world.
Speaker 3:It's like your paper cut hurts the same, like we don't know what to do Right, right, right, ok, ok, I got you.
Speaker 2:It's like my shit went deeper, but my point is that we shouldn't be comparing.
Speaker 3:Right, exactly.
Speaker 2:You know it's. We can both. This world is big enough that everybody can have trauma and heal. Isn't that crazy that everybody can recognize their trauma and heal, no matter how big or small some people will make a scene.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, everybody needs to at least try to help one another instead of always saying, well, my trauma is worse than your trauma Right. And so let's figure a way out to discuss this and find a method that will work for us. Right, right, basically.
Speaker 2:Or is how can I be a systems?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:No, do you want to talk about it?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Is it something I can do to make you feel better?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Is it something I can say to help you understand what you're going through? Yep, yep. Do you just want me to sit here and shut the fuck up?
Speaker 3:Do you sit over the weekend?
Speaker 2:So no, so you guys, I legit just had an unplug weekend. I think I still have like 47 unread text messages. I just unplugged. I unplugged, I didn't, it was my birthday weekend at that. But you know what was funny? Because my mom yesterday was like you, disappointed about your birthday, and I'm like no, I did exactly what I wanted to do. I spent time by myself. I actually found out a month ago that I was re-diagnosed with cancer and it's a very early stage, and I'm going to kick his ass, but it's still hard to hear. And then my mom goes in the hospital and we don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:The heart doctor is blaming on the lung doctor, the young doctor is blaming on the heart doctor. I'm like I don't care what doctor it is, y'all better get her straight. Just fix her Right, do something. Ok, so I may get to a point. They know I'll just take my mom home, but you ain't got to. I got to.
Speaker 2:It's like I try to tell the woman I mean we're getting off topic a little bit, but it just makes me like these are the things that I think people don't think about. I was telling them my mom seemed a little disoriented to me, right. She was just talking gibberish and just coming out Weird stuff. It just didn't seem right. So I thought, ok, we in the hospital mentioned it to the nurse, right. So the nurse came in and I said my mom kind of seems a little disoriented to me. Is there any reason why that can happen? You know what this bitch had the nerve to say to me? She doesn't seem disoriented to me. You know her 10 minutes. I came out, her Gucci, right. You think I don't know what my mama disoriented, right. It's like she's frustrated.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, there's something there's something wrong You're tell to be and you know she's a nurse. Bitch, I'm a professional patient. Okay, my insurance is paying your salary, oh. Okay, you had a calm your nerves, but no, really, let's get back on topic. Stop saying that bullshit. Stop making people feel bad for having feelings. Stop making people feel bad because they're hurt about things.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Like support each other.
Speaker 3:Talk about it.
Speaker 2:Right. We're living in this world where Trump is about to be president again. Girl, we don't need each other. If we don't need each other now, you know. This world shouldn't be this fucked up. I don't have no kids and I won't bring a child into this world. I won't. I see where my nephew's and he says go through, I see what your kids go through. Yeah, maddie was on these fucking feelings podcast who had death threats. 15, right 14. How does she know 16? So 15 years old, and she's receiving death threats?
Speaker 3:And it's an every day struggle and it goes back to sort of the same thing as you were saying right, one person like oh, you didn't go Through this, this, this, and you know she's, she feels alone. Or you know, you know, my kids are different, anthony and Carissa are different from Maddie definitely and you know Sometimes they'll say that like it has to be this age group. You know that are going through this right stuff and it's sort of the same thing as you're saying, as they're different than.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 3:But it's tough deal with that stuff so they don't understand.
Speaker 2:They don't understand and to them the answer is like I just fucked somebody up. Why do some punch them in the face? I can hear Anthony now, right?
Speaker 3:Anthony is actually more of like the one that don't like to start trouble right like he's like there's a different way to solve it. He also don't want to send his kids to school right the same thing look what his sister is going through. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And now she is doing a lot better now. I mean, we did an episode. Go back and watch it you. You can listen to her incredible Story. She is doing a lot better now, but it's unfortunate that it happened right, I mean she still goes through every day.
Speaker 3:I mean still to this day. She'll like right, you know, I walk in and she's crying and I'll be like what are you crying for? And she'll say school on.
Speaker 2:It has to be hard for you, for you as a mom, not to fully understand.
Speaker 3:It's. I mean, I went through bullying as when I was younger, so I sort of understand what she's going through, but on it's a different Scenario, different, different times, different times.
Speaker 2:you grew up people fight, now they shoot. Yeah, that you know, you can't even tell your kids to defend themselves, because they might get shot later.
Speaker 3:I mean for her. I know this is totally different, but, um, when she first started that school, somebody on the boss had told her that they were gonna kill her and then rape her. And she that was about three years ago, you know she was in, I think, sixth grade and some grade easy and the school kicked the kid off the bus and I'm like, how does that cup?
Speaker 2:like how who is raising these kids? That's the question we need to ask who are raising these?
Speaker 3:kids Don't understand. It's like get your shit together, you know honestly.
Speaker 2:I still go through a lot of bullying, you know, I, I do. You know TikTok videos and most promoting this, and you know how many times they record a combo or get the fuck off my FYP page or you crazy, you hi, you delusional, but to me, you know, I used to let it bother me and I mean it started bothering me because it brought up a lot of old Traumas, right, you know it started bringing up things and I was like Maybe I shouldn't do this.
Speaker 2:Right you know, maybe it is corny, maybe it is stupid.
Speaker 3:You know what, if you stops one, we wouldn't be where we are now.
Speaker 2:Right, and we will, and helped so many people that Right, we helped and it's crazy that we live in a world where people think killing is stupid.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that's. They're the people that need healing that need healing. They're the ones that need help.
Speaker 2:So moral of the story Get help, deal with your shit and live your life in peace, because it can happen. And you know, when you think of peace, people probably think Everyday type of thing. No, life is life. We're gonna have up and downs, right, you know, but your spirit can be at peace, you know, I. I'm gonna say I'm two years. I feel like I'm an alcoholic or something. I'm two years into my healing. All right, two years. I just got my two-year chip. Honestly, that should be some shit, though. That should be something we got to make some healing chips.
Speaker 2:You're me, I'm two years into my healing and you know a lot of things. You know, it's like I could sit here and talk about my sexual assault sexual assaults, right, you know, and and be okay. And then I kind of started going through like guilt, you know, and I felt guilty because I was successful and there are people around me who weren't, and you know, and it became in guilt. And then someone told me well, if you feel guilty, it's because you have something to be a shit, that you're ashamed of something. And I thought about that. No, I'm like, I'm not ashamed of anything. People, clearly, if you met me, you know I, I won't tell you anything. I ain't no ashamed about nothing to me, but it's just. You know, it's kind of like Don't open your mouth if you don't know what to properly say. If what you gonna say is not gonna help a person on their healing journey, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, and I also hate when people say things or they, they tell you like oh you should do this, like you should leave your husband and it's like girl you going through the same and stop. Your man was just down on Hill Street catching a whore, not.
Speaker 2:Hill Street, though she not talking about anybody. Look any. A reblance of somebody real is not general like oh.
Speaker 3:People do that. Tell you to how to live your life. You know, sometimes same same thing, baby for real.
Speaker 2:For real, this world will put you down to make themselves it feels taller. You know it is, and to me, I feel like there is space for all of us. We all can win. We can win together. You know um Is there moments in life where you're gonna be difficult? Hell yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm a difficult motherfucker. That's why I ain't got no friends, because I refuse to settle for less bitchy families. Yo, I have like the three friends I had my whole life and you know it's. It's Now. It's like I meet people and my fuckers out here crazy, like I don't even want your number.
Speaker 3:You know, you don't even know who you can trust, right, who you can't try. Who you can trust?
Speaker 2:who you can't trust, yeah.
Speaker 2:It is, it's, it's sad, it really honestly living a crazy world and we just want to tell you guys, we're gonna go ahead and get to the moral of the story, right, cuz they're like these motherfuckers just talking and we gonna continue to add on because there's so many Inns out there, you know, but let's stop with the ants, let's stop adding on the people's pain, let's stop adding on to their struggles. You know, I don't care what someone tells you or how small you think a person's Trauma is. When they're telling it to you, act like it's the biggest thing you ever heard, because to them it is, and if they chose you to express it to, that means they think highly of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah and they respect you and your answers should never be safe place. Right, you're there, safe place, and your answer should never be there is somebody out there who has it worse Because you just diminished everything that person felt, everything they were going through, you just told it was nothing and now they're living with more trauma Because everybody has told them that their whole life. So let's erase. There is somebody out there who has it worse and let's just start saying how can I help you? It's funny. I watched this movie over the weekend. Um, it was a Christmas movie and I can't think of the name. Oh my god, I think it was called like the van. It was about a van, right. Anyway, it was crazy. Yeah, so like people got a van a van, yeah, yeah, well.
Speaker 3:so basically it's like Pete.
Speaker 2:They were stuck at airport and they were all trying to get to the same place. Their flight was cancelled. They had one rental car available as a van, so everybody kind of went in in this van. Anyway, the moral story is somebody came out and had a. They were having a nervous breakdown. So the chick jumps off the bus and she runs to the woman and she says do you want to be heard, do you want to be helped or do you want to be hugged? And I was like that should always be our answer. What are you feeling right now? Do you want to be heard, do you want to be helped or do you want to be hugged? That should be your only answer when someone needs help. Until next time. I am a mica. I got my girl crystal with me, as always. Rebecca, we know you out there. We love you girl. We'll see you soon. Until next week, peace, love and blessings.
Speaker 1:And that brings us to the end of yet another insightful episode of trauma is expensive. I'm signing off on behalf of your host, micah Bravery, reminding all you brave souls to continue counting the cost and making the change. Don't forget to visit wwwtraumaisexpensivecom, a dynamic space for understanding, healing and transformation, where we fuel the journey to turn pain into progress. Until we meet again, stay resilient, stay empowered and remember the mantra count the cost and make the change. Thank you for being part of the conversation. We bid you farewell until next time.